Life According To Me - Z's world

Randomness

2009-12-16T09:49:00.002+08:00

You know they changed the taxi stand at Seiyu Bugis? Goes to show how long since I have been there. Went to the National Library at Middle Road yesterday. My first time in years. I even borrowed books. How cool is that? Of course I had to pay $0.60 in fines that I owed since forever. Hah hah. Ok, got my daughter to the babysitter today so that I can work and perhaps scrap some.

Sigh...sometimes I think people don't understand that teachers don't exactly have holidays. I still work during the hols. I still have to start preparing for the new year's curriculum. The pending projects etc. And the worst thing is it is the lack of understanding from family. Of course, I have flexibility on where and when to do my work but they still need to get done right?

Sometimes, I think I am giving myself all this pressure on being a good mum. I feel guilty for working and not taking care of my daughter. I wish I am a SAHM but during the hols, I do sometimes wish for time for myself. I am so tired. When I am with my daughter, nothing gets done. No work, housework etc...just spending time with her. Then, I feel guilty cos I don't cook for my husband. Sigh....life is such a delicate balance. How do moms over the world do it? And how do moms over the world seem to make life perfect? I wonder....

It's been a loooong time

2009-12-14T22:04:00.002+08:00

It's been a year and a half since my last post. Life has a way of taking over. Not that I have nothing to blog about - I have lots - but sometimes I do not wish to share it. Then, multiply took over my life and it was easier to post there and then I was FBing and meanwhile I forgot about this blog. Ok, I will try to post more here. With news about my family and hobbies. Mainly about my SB hobby. Will post soon. Enough posting for today. I want to watch some TV and catch some snooze after that. I do need the sleep. My lack of sleep is sapping all my energy and mojo out of me. Tmr I will have to start working....Sigh...no rest for the weary.

days of indulgence

2008-06-11T14:23:00.000+08:00

School break is just about ending and I have only been able to enjoy it this week, despite the marking. First week of hols was spent in school. The weekend was spent in Phuket and I came home, fell ill and spent the rest of the 2nd week at home recuperating and marking. So my husband says I should go out, get some exercise, do my marking elsewhere and have some fun. I think he is tired of seeing me sleeping all the time or buying a lot of stuff online out of sheer boredom.

So, with the license to roam Singapore, I headed down to Vivocity on Monday cos I was meeting someone for Coach wristlets I bought online (yes, I am a Coach addict) and thought I would be spending the rest of the day marking at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. I did mark - 1 class out of 3 - and then I went shopping.(by the way, don't try the chicken lasagna at CBTL. it is awful) I thought that I wouldn't be spending much since I won't be buying clothes for a while but I was wrong. I bought ....

1. An umbrella that costs $58 (I love Japanese umbrellas - shh, don't tell my husband. He has not seen the umbrella ...or the Coach wristlets)

2. A craft scissors that can cut in colonial pattern. $4.90. trying to start on scrap booking. So I thought I buy some cheap stuff now and then.

3. Stationery - self inking stamps ($4 x 4) red pens ($2.85) post it notes in apple and heart shape ($4), decorated wooden pegs ($3.90). I love stationery. My desk has lots of different shaped magnets, clips, post it notes, stamps, stickers. I would always get excited when I see a stationery shop. I would buy more of such stuff even though I have about 5 post it notes in various colours and shapes, a boxful of stickers and a drawerful of clips and a board full of magnets.

And all this I bought on the way to Mothercare to look for a belly band, which I did not get as they were out if stock. Oh Mothercare at Harbour Front is superbly huge! They sell all kinds of strollers, cots and other kinds of baby furniture. But also superbly expensive. I never knew a stroller/bassinet can cost up to $1800! The baby furniture is really beautiful. Made of solid cherry/oak wood, I very nearly drooled. Only the rich elites would get such stuff. Our babies can content with cheap cots or mattresses.

So that was my Day 1 outing. Tuesday I decided to stay home. I was actually tired from the Vivo outing. And today, I decided it has to be the day I brave Orchard Road during GSS. First I went to Paragon cos I wanted to get my URS inc. membership card. It was also a good excuse to shop at LA Senza and buy new pyjama pants. I ended up buying 5 pairs of pants at a discounted price of $112 cos I am a member.

Then, I went to Jason's cos I wanted Korean strawberries but it's not in season. Saw cherries but they are from USA, so decided against it. I like Korean or Japanese fruits, they taste nicer and of course more expensive.

Then went to Daiso, bought stickers. Spent $10.

Then went to Made With Love (scrap booking store) and after aimlessly looking at their beautiful stuff and not knowing what to buy, I decided I just have to sign up for a class. So $35 for a class on the 20th of June.

Thank goodness I was tired after that and decided to go home. Or else I would be spending so much more.

Hmm...tmr is another day...maybe I go down to Geylang. Another place to shop. Heh heh.

Propaganda

2008-04-08T08:33:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how much propaganda there is out there. I showed my History students a video on Emergency from Youtube. Gosh! How very pro-British!

Well, I did not manage to watch the whole video before the class as there were many interruptions from colleagues and students. I watched the first half and found it alright and it showed how Communism was fought in Malaya. All good and dandy until.....

....class time. The 2nd half of the video talked about the Briggs Plan and the enforcement by Templer, especially about the separation of the villagers from Communists, winning the hearts and minds of the people. And guess who are these people ....Orang Asli. For 5 minutes they showed snippets of Orang Asli with bare breasts and children hanging from their hips and men smoking and doing nothing. Imagine, that is what the outside world think of Malaya. Filled with orang aslis and that the British helped to civilise them. How colonial!

True, the Orang Asli needed to be separated from the Communist as they could provide them with sustenance and information. But I am sure they could put other rural communities in the videos. Like the Indian planters who live in the jungles and farmers that live far away from towns.

Of course the video was made years ago and to glorify the British and their welfarism in Malaya but I still shudder....

Change

2008-03-03T16:03:00.000+08:00

looked through my blogs to make sure that I have not written anything bad about teaching. Removed all blogs that may be deemed unsuitable. Must protect the profession. But who protects the teachers from students whp write bad things about us in their blogs?

I didn't realize I have been blogging since 2005. My blogspot told me so. And wow, I was so philosophical, reflective and even poetic then. Now, I am jaded. There's a lot of change. I used to be so full of wonder, very curious and observant. Now my life is pretty routine, I am actually apathetic. Very sad. My youth has gone I suppose. Or just bogged down with all the cares of the world that I forget to be young?

Anyway, hubby is deployed for the search of Mas Selamat. Means I won't see him till tmr night. Tonight, I am a single woman. Room and bed all to myself. Hmm....enjoying it. I can now surf the net and drool over coach bags on the website without hubby chastising me. Heh heh.

Hmm...actually supposed to do work but now I shall watch Manja Lara. Heh heh

A very big Thank You!

2008-01-20T12:08:00.000+08:00

First time I am blogging as a married woman. Heh heh.

I would like to thank all of my peeps for making my wedding a success. Thanks to Nurul and Rufaihah for being my bridesmaids. Patiently waiting on me, ensuring I am comfortable. Thanks to Aai, who briefed my bridesmaids and sending the bunga pahar stand all the way from CCK and being so understanding. Thanks to Ain and Nadzifah who willingly became my drivers. You guys are my lifesavers, the wedding would not be as great without your valued help. Thanks to all my other peeps who listened to my ramblings and complaints and for gracing my event. It was great seeing you guys.

Thanks to my Sis and my bro-in-law, orang kuat of the wedding. They ensured everything went smoothly. A very big thanks to my aunties and cousins who made my hantaran gifts and helping me to do up my room, even though I did not want to do up my room. I am very grateful for that. My room was transformed in a blink! And all my other aunts who gave all manners of advice and food, There was food galore. Of course my mum and dad, I owe them big thanks for without them, the wedding would be a flop.

Next to all my business contacts, Krystal wedding who did this special theme wedding. I requested something so simple and yet they made it so amazing. The decoration was beyond my expectations. I loved the colours. Thanks for all teh freebies they gave me. I was very lucky to have such a kind and understanding wedding decorator. Thanks to DJ Ana, she acceeded to my every request. Photographer Razin, he was wonderful. Can't wait for the photos. heh heh. My Mak Andam, Maslinda from RH, who worked very hard to make me look flawless and I really did feel like a princess under her loving care. Also, Kak Fairani from Perfect Frosting who did my wedding cupcakes, they were beautiful. All my relatives ate them all up and left none for us. They said it was fantastic. Thanks to Faizah of Ladydeyria's Secret Oven who made my choc mousse and hantaran cupcake set. The choc mousse was simply divine and they looked simple yet elegant. People raved about it and wanted to order them. The cupcake set was really very sweet. My only wish is that I can get to eat them....my hubby's side have already finished the cupcakes. Heh heh. Oh, and Jewel Marina for the beautiful henna drawn on my hands and feet. They turned really dark and I got so many praises for them. And of course, the food people from Hussain Selamat catering. They did my sis's event years ago and I insisted on them for mine. They were really value for money because there was a good spread, the food was delicious and everything was in tip top condition. For all those who want to get married and looking for decorators and the such, I recommend all of these people above. I trusted them because they had good reviews and also because they were people I could communicate with and able to listen to my needs and wants. Very good service from them, I am very happy with my choices.

Have I missed out anybody? If I did, I thank you lots! It was great being a bride. It was tiring but I was very happy. Although I never liked being in the spotlight, I actually did enjoy being the queen for the day. Sitting on the dais and looking over the populace. Hah hah. It was fun. I am so glad I actually enjoyed my wedding. There were glitches and hiccups but they were rectified and everything ran smoothly. Thanks everybody who made my wedding a dream come true. I really did feel like a fairy tale pricess. Okie, I am logging off and in a few hours, I will be flying off to my honeymoon in Krabi. See you peeps when I get back.

Scrabulous

2007-11-15T14:50:00.000+08:00

The only application I like in Facebook is Scrabulous. You can play with others or you can play with the computer in practice mode. It is so addictive. I have 4 games going and while waiting for my turn (which can take days) I play against the computer. The computer is a tough opponent. Seriously, who knew that APPUIED is a word. Seriously! and the computer received 76 points for this first move. Do you know what this word means? I, for one, was aghast that such a word exists. It is not fair, the computer has logic, mathematical formulaic strategy and an entire dictionary in its 'brain'.

Anyway, after much practice against the computer (which resulted in demoralizing defeats on my side) I, Zarinah Binte Ali, am very satisfied and happy to say, I WON! Yes, I won against the computer. 346 me, 322 computer. Hah! The computer lost! Wooo Hoooo! My faith in humanity and our ability to out-think a computer has been restored.

Hah hah, yeah, I am a Scrabble addict. I love Scrabble. And no, people, it is not an English teacher's thing. In fact Scrabble has nothing to do with the English Language. It is all about strategy, logic and Maths. Plus, one must have good vocabulary, preferably a sound knowledge of 2 and 3 letter words, like QI, LI, EF, ENE and so on. Ahh...Scrabulous, the one and only good thing in Facebook (so far).

Fishball Soup ikan tenggiri

2007-11-08T08:38:00.000+08:00

Another of my favourite dish. Home made fishball soup. Today being a holiday I decided to take over the kitchen and cooked for my family, with the aid of instructions from mummy of course. Anyway, I woke up late on the account of temporary insomnia last night and so my mummy prepared the potatoes and bawang and stuff. ("Aku kasi kau tidur puas puas dulu. Lagipun nak tunggu kau bangun, bila nak start masak?" heh heh) Anyway, she has seen me peel potatoes, garlic and shallots, so she has faith that I can do that part well and need no more practice. heh heh. So she left the hardest part to me: to clean the fish and scrape the flesh of the skin and bones and to make the fishballs and soup.

Here are the ingredients:

I ikan tenggiri besar ( I have no idea what this is in English)
3 potatoes, cut into chunky pieces
2 1/2 big onions
10 garlic
halia 2 batang (sepanjang jari) - (in english is this galaghal?)
1 biji buah pala
3 bunga cengkir
1 stick of cinnamon/kayu manis
4 biji buah pelaga
3 bunga pe'kak/star anise
1 teaspoon of white pepper
Salt to taste

Prepare the fish by cleaning away the guts and sliced it through the middle, so you get 3 very long slices. Usually the fishmonger will do this for you. So you bring home 3 very long slices. One of the slices has the bones on it. Scrape carefully making sure every tiny bit of flesh is scraped off, even in between the bones. You should only have the skin and bones left after the procedure.

Chop 2 onions and garlic thinly. Place them in a big pot. Halia just squash them a bit (titik kan) and place in a big pot. Break the cinnomon and buah pala in 2. Potatoes, half of the buah pala and both cinnamon sticks plus the star anise, buah pelaga and bunga cengkir should be placed in the pot too. Fill half the pot with water. Boil the mixture.

While the soup is being boiled, prepare the fishballs. The flesh that you have scraped off from the fish can now be rolled into balls. 1 fish could make 80-100 balls depending on the size of fishballs you make. Some people pound the flesh or use a tool to flatten and mix the flash together. This is optional. You can do so if you think there are a lot of bones in the fish. By punding and flattening the flesh you are squeezing out skin and bones. If you are confident that there are no or very few bones, then this step can be eliminated.

Tip: Wet fingers and palms constantly when making the balls so that the flesh won't stick to your hands.

Next: take half of the buah pala, half a big onion, 2 pieces of garlic, a small piece of halia and white pepper and pound till you have a paste. Heat up a small pan and use a little bit of oil. Pour in the paste and stir until it has turned brown and crispy (my mum described it as garing - I can't find a better word to descrbe). Pour into the boiling pot of soup.

By this time, the potatoes should be cooked and fishballs should be placed into the soup one by one. It is better to put in the fishballs individually because if you put them together, they will stick to each other. Put one tablespoon of salt into soup. Once you see the fishballs turn white and float, you can turn off the fire and eat!

Okie, this is a very simple dish. The most troublesome part is the fish and that is the main ingredient. So it takes around 1 1/2 hours to prepare.

So this is the outcome. Eat with rice, bread or by itself. It tastes great. Remember always get the fish fresh because you want the fish to crumble and melt in the mouth and not have the springy texture. You can add spring onions to your own bowl of soup. For me I prefer to eat it with rice together with sambal lonteh. Power!

It is time....

2007-11-05T11:13:00.000+08:00

....I learn to cook. heh heh. Today I learnt from my mummy how to cook Sotong Masak Hitam. Yumm! One of my favourite dishes - cholesterol laden seafood goodness. This is how it turned out:

In the pot

I made everything myself with no help from mummy. Just directions from her. Very simple to cook. I cleaned the sotong myself and took the bits of ink. I actually liked doing it. The difference I suppose is I wanted to cook as opposed to being forced to learn to cook. Anyway, it tastes great, not in the least bit different from my mummy's cooking. And the sotong has EGGS! Oh super tasty! I love sotong eggs.

Sotong and rice.

See the sotong egg peeping out of the sotong on the left? Yummm...yumm. Ate it with sambal lonteh. Super good. heh heh. As of right now, when I am writing this, no one else have eaten it except the girls' maid and myself. The maid said it is good! My parents are fasting so must wait for reviews at maghrib. As for myself, I can't wait to cook more simple good food like this. I am well on my way to be a super wife! Heh heh.

Bulan Ramadhan

2007-10-05T06:31:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, the challenges of Ramadhan seems overwhelming yeah. Frustrations at work, accidents, deaths, distractions and so on. I was feeling a little bit blue especially since I just read on someone's entry that a fellow teacher died due to a hit and run. How sad. Then I spied a blue umbrella I brought to school and i remembered some nice things that happened to me, all in one day. So the story goes like this....

It was a wet, very stormy morning. It rained in the early morning. Rained very very very heavily. So I called a cab and did not take an umbrella with me because I don't like to bring umbrellas. In the afternoon after school, it was all sunny and I went to Bedok interchange to look at paint and other things. And you know what, I got stuck in the rain! It started to be stormy again, with thunder and lightning and I was at the block next to the interchange and no shelter whatsoever from that block to the interchange. So I decided to walk along the block looking for shops that might sell umbrellas. To my dimay there was none. Then this old man who was standing at the lift landing and observing for some time approached me as I passed him by and said "Would you like some bubur masjid?" I was so surprised and I initially declined but I gratefully took the packet of bubur masjid from him. It was still hot and smelled so delicious. How kind of that man. A stranger, no less. But that did not solve the storm problem. So I walked to the edge of the block contemplating to brave the rain and make a dash for it. I was standing just beside a barber shop steeling my mind for the mad dash when the owner of the shop came out and said "Kak, you have no umbrella? I will lend you one." Wow. He told me I can return him the umbrella any time when I am free. I felt so touched after that.

So nice right? 2 strangers who are so kind to me. May Allah bless them for their kind acts. Eh, don't be like a certain someone I know who says that they are only nice to me cos got ulterior macho motive. You know macho men helping helpless young lady....

A prank

2007-09-08T12:20:00.000+08:00

This is what we did to oyr colleagues desk the day before his birthday after he has left school.

Decorated and wrapped

Ha hah. The decoration, tiny pots of flowers were a teachers' day gift from the company that supplies the cleaning staff. Each teacher got 1. And teh bubble wrap were found in teh boxes the flowers came in. How hilarious. We went around asking people if they wanted their flowers and most do not so we happily decorated his table with them.

We wrapped all of his computer stuff too:

That's the mouse, mousepad and laptop. But the phone is the cutest. Don't you think? But we are nice enough to buy him a cake too.

Delicious! Yumm!

Vanity and frivolousness

2007-08-31T22:05:00.000+08:00

So what do you do when you have to go to a dinner at a posh country club but you have no time to go home and change? So what would you do to solve this problem?

Would you

(a) Go in whatever you are wearing.

(b) Just go home and change, it's ok to be late.

(d) Buy new clothes and wear them on the spot.

What would your answer be?

This is what I did. I chose option (d). I am so vain and frivolous, I can't believe I did it. It just so happen that I had my Teachers' Day dinner tonight at 7pm. However, I had a job interview from 2-6pm. That left me 1 hour to transform myself. I know that I can't make it home by 7 or even 730 cos of terrible traffic conditions, In a whim I decided I could do better. I could still wear glamourous stuff. I went to TKC, went to the Jelita shop and told them of my predicament. Oh, they were so nice and friendly. They picked out a pretty white top for me to match with my white pants. And a fuschia scarf that matches my sandals. They steamed the clothes and tudong for me and the lady even offered to put my makeup on and she pinned my scarf so beautifully. She even asked if I want to wear her perfume! I came out feeling so sexy and stylish. Heh heh.

I am very impressed by their service. Very examplary. First class. I salute them. I always shop at Jelita and XQZT and although their clothes are similar and pricy, I laways love going back there cos of their friendliness and willingness to serve.

Gado-Gado Party

2007-08-01T11:19:00.000+08:00

There is too much gado-gado leftovers. The teachers from the English and Humanities department had our Gado-Gado party today. The other teachers are green with envy. We each brought an item to make the gado-gado. I brought 4 packets of lontong. Apparently we all brought too much of each item. Heh heh.

Ahhhh...such bliss to be eating good food again. The new canteen vendor, her food is just passable. I miss Mr. Ban and his food.

Live Earth

2007-07-09T13:36:00.000+08:00

It is important to save the earth. It is good that celebrities are involved. I am very happy that governments are looking into measures to slow down the global warming process. However, Live Earth concert, to me, really defeats the purpose. I did not catch 99% of it, just glimpses when I switch channel. Tell me, how much power was consumed in that overly long concert? The rubbish in the aftermath? And tell me did the concert goers actually get the message? I bet they are mostly teeny boppers who want a fun time at the concert. And where do the funds go to...Al Gore's charity...hmm...glorifying him?

Anyway, it just doesn't seem logical. To use up energy in order to save energy. To not be green in order to go green. It is like the GST hike to 7% so that more money can be distributed to the lower income group. It is ridiculous. Are we in the age of ironies now? I am sure there are better environmentally friendly ways to promote 'going green' rather than a concert.

caught in between...

2007-07-07T07:28:00.000+08:00

There is no food in my school canteen. reason being that the muslim stall owner's husband had a stroke and died during the school hols. The tragedy is that the lady also suffered a heart attack and she did not manage to see him on his dying bed. So sad....

Anyway, being the token Muslim in SWC, I was asked to look for temporary measures and have food delivered for the Muslim people in the school. So, got a contact from Nadz, Mr Ban's nasi padang. He delivers to school. He drives a Nissan Murano....So all was well, the food was not too bad, not fantastic but not bad either, it was smooth going for me as I take the orders from colleagues, call them up at around 10 and they deliver before 12. Little did I know, i was going to be caught in a dramatic play....

Whenever Mr Ban delivers, I ask him to send to the general office and he will get his payment there too. This is because I have lessons when he arrives so I can't meet him personally. Also, my school promised support from the EAS staff and so my VP is ok with the arrangement. So one day this week, the EAS staff of my school complained to me saying that Mr Ban is rude because he refused to help her bring the food up for her. Sometimes when the food is a lot, she has to go 2 trips up the staircase to the 2nd floor. She asked me if I could find someone else to help me. I was at a lost...who else can help? Called my VP, she promised to send someone else.

Then, yesterday Mr Ban talked to me...he said the EAS staff was rude to him. She threw money at him. Astaghfirullah... I was shocked. He said that he can't help her because he has a lot of deliveries to make. He accused me of only listening to my EAS staff colleague and not listening to his side of the story. I assured him if I had believed her wholly, I would have not patronised him anymore. I just did not want to make the matter worse, that is why I did not pursue the matter. Anyway, what am I supposed to ask him...hey, Mr Ban, why were you rude? Not likely....

How? I am baffled. This is why I hate delegating jobs to people....because I am not responsible for their actions and yet I am held accountable. What am I to do? There are a lot of things I left out in the story...all the bad remarks that were made about the other party and so on. I don't think they are fit to be mentioned here. All I know was that i feel sad that such things happened. Worse is that all parties involved are Muslims.

Phantom of the Opera

2007-05-04T05:53:00.000+08:00

It was a great production. A must watch if you have not watched it. But, of course you must be willing to part with lots of your mullah. Heh heh. Really, the theatrics and props and all are fantastic. I love the way they created the misty lake and how the boat glides over water. The boat really glides! And the songs are lovely. My fave "All I ask of you"...so sweet and I wish I can sing that song and someone responds the same way too. Sigh...I cried a little at the end. Even though I know the plot and the songs pretty well before I went, it was still worth all of my $147.

The silly SIngaporean within me

2007-04-26T04:40:00.000+08:00

Okies, I did a silly Singaporean thing. I queued for donuts at the Donut Factory yesterday. 2 hours for 2 dozens of donuts - 6 to 8 pm. For someone who scoffed at people who queue for Hello Kitty and Harry Potter and what ever nots, I joined the queue.

Was it worth it? I choose to think so. I shared donuts with colleagues this morning. They loved the donuts (but nothing beats Krispy Kremes - the nearest one is at Jakarta and it is halal) and making people happy cos they have a sugar rush in the morning makes my day too. Heh heh.

I love the peanut chocolate and double chocolate. I want to try the cheese ones but they were sold out. That being said, I don't think I would do this silly thing, at least not for a very long time, at least. I plan that the next time I crave for such donuts I must be there during office hours where I heard that the queue is shorter and I have more variety. Or....go to Jakarta over the weekend and buy loads of Krispy Kremes. Hmm....my mouth is watering at the thought of Krispy Kremes. They are genius! Anyone wants to go Jakarta with me?

Night at the Carousel

2007-03-13T16:28:00.001+08:00

A good place to eat. Even on a weekday night it is crowded. Make reservations if you want to go. I was so excited about eating there that anything I ate over the weekend seems to be tasteless. Heh heh.

It was the highlight of the day to me since I spent the entire morning on a Learning Journey at the Civics District. I did enjoy the LJ but I was in pain since someone told me that I have to look presentable and wear working clothes to enter the Supreme Court. That person was very insistent about it. Funny that I actually took that person advice even though my HOD said I can wear jeans, t-shirt and sandals. Anyway, I decided to wear heels only to realise that we have to tour St Andrew's Cathedral, walk pass City Hall and Old Supreme Court and to the Arts House where the Old Parliament was. I wasn't exactly in pain but I could be much more comfortable in my Birk's, right?

Anyway, back to the Carousel. Cos my colleagues and I make a large group they put us in the State Room. So there was only us in that room and we made such a ruckus. If you sit outside on the main dining area, it is actually very noisy and the seats are too near to each other. The ambiance in the State Room was just right and the food was great. Indeed, they offer a large spread of buffet from sushi and shashimi to roast chicken and pasta. Of course not everything tastes good to me but majority of the food was delicious. I loved the roast chicken, lamb shank, make your own pasta dish and some others that I can't remember. We started dinner at 7.30 and we ate non-stop till 9pm. Then, we slowed down but continued eating until 10 then we attacked the desserts. All kinds of cakes, puddings and fondue! Actually the dessert tray was the first thing we all saw when we came in and the spread looked so pretty and enticing that we wanted to start dessert first. It took all our will power to not eat dessert until 10pm. Yumm...I want to go again.

Oh gazillions of calories in me and I skipped netball training too for the dinner. But I did play badminton in the afternoon after my LJ. So the walking around town and exercising cancels off the extra fats and calories right? But, don't care lah. Good food, good service and good company, that counts more.

My Cats

2007-03-10T15:38:00.001+08:00

About 3 weeks back, I got 2 new kittens. 1 black and 1 white. They are siblings. Then on Monday, we got the 3rd sibling. She is white with bits of orange and black. This time, I told my parents that we are not naming them after their colour or length of tail, like all our past cats (hitam putih, mat, minah, belang, kontot, tompok, merah) - We have to give them proper cat names. So the black is Wan, the white is Lia and we can't figure out what to call the last one so we call her Neng, which is actually short form for Kuning. But we often refer the black one as Hitam, the white one as Putih and Neng as the Yang Lagi Satu (the other one). hahahha. We can't get pass the colours.

They are so adorable when they play together. Wan is a male and the others are females, so we have a few months before we decided to neuter them or not. They are almost 3 months old and they get bigger everyday. Neng sleeps with me on the bed every night since day 1 cos she can't get along with her siblings as she was separated from them for so long. So she gets special treatment from me. I suspect that eventually all of them will end up on my bed soon or at least when they are properly toilet trained.

This is Hitam putih (black and white). he is our cat who is not our cat. He comes and goes as he pleases and he comes back when he wants to eat and sleep. And he is allowed to sleep anywhere he likes in the flat. He was recently hospitalised for kidney disease and he hates to share. Cos he was sick he could not really chase the kittens and slap them about. So he is quite fed up and is resigned to share the flat with the kittens. He is sulking away and has not come home yesterday. But no worries, he will come back.

Wan and Lia. they are always together. Wan is more curious and willing to venture out to smell and touch things. Lia is reserved but she has a way of cocking her head to one side that makes her so irresistible. Lia is often bullied by Wan cos she is younger and smaller and when they have their meals, Wan will always ensure that he gets the lion's share and he eats first. Their favourite hangout is the sofa. That is their playground and sleeping area.

Neng aka Yang Lagi Satu. Cos she just arrived, she is not use to the environment and is shy. She hides under the sofa most of the time and would sometimes come out to play with her siblings. But she will run away when she sees us. She is very feisty and will hiss and growl when she is unhappy.

National Anthem

2007-02-05T16:48:00.001+08:00

Someone need to teach Singaporeans the importance of singing our National Anthem correctly and with reverence.

Firstly, I was annoyed when I heard how Singaporeans sing the anthem. Sure, it was loud. Only because it was a great moment and one should sing it loud. But, it was awful. Wrong note aside, I can hear people deliberately not singing it properly. So much for proud moment. Then, how could people forget that you have to sing it twice? I saw the re-telecast of it on Sunday morning and it is so distinctive that Singaporeans have no idea how to sing the anthem. Then did you hear how the lions sang it on TV for Sunday's match? Yuckkks! Someone should teach them how to sing properly!

Already the gamen decided to "improve" on the anthem. They say to make it more singable. Then, we still can't sing it properly. What? Can't even stand straight and sing in a normal voice without the mockery? Must need to Anglicise our anthem to sing properly, meh? Please la, even the Malays don't sing with pride. Stop the excuses, sit down and just learn the words and sing it right!

This is not a school marm thing, I am just embarrassed how Singaporeans behave. Listen to the Thais on both matches, they sang beautifully. They stood with pride and even during our anthem they stood silently. We at the stadium did not even have the thought to do so. Constant cheering and jeering. How uncouth we all are and the gamen so proud we are more developed than our neighbours. Puuiiii ah!

When I was in KL and we watched a play, the Malaysian national anthem was sung before the play started. And they sang with pride. I was bowled over. Singaporeans sing really loud and maybe with pride only at soccer matches and National Day Parades. Other days? forget it. Even in school, students hardly open their mouths to sing the anthem. Aren't u proud of our National Anthem? I am. When was the last time u thought about what it means? The composer really had vision when he wrote it. Do you know who he is?

When the aunts start to talk

2007-02-04T17:41:00.001+08:00

Visited Nadz's mom at the hospital yesterday. She had a lot of visitors, mostly her schoolmates of yore. These aunties are all grandmothers today but listening to their stories, one could tell they had such fun when they were younger. Anyway, they talked animatedly and well, let's just say even without diplomas or degrees they certainly do have a wealth of knowledge. It was very interesting listening in to their conversations. Also, amusing...

There was this one point of their conversation that really puzzled us. They were talking about diseases and illnesses such as cancer and how some people overcome them. Here is an excerpt:

"yeah, her illness very strange. It attacked her eyes and she is sensitive to light now. She can't see. But, someone told her to chew kancing butang (buttonhole) and put them on her eyes. It worked, her eyes are much better now." said Aunt A.

Aunt B interjected "This kancing butang, all you need is to chew it?"

Nadz, yati and myself exchanged puzzled looks. How does one chew a button hole?

Aunt C said "Yes, just chew it and spit it out again."

"Is it like the misai kucing (cat's whiskers)?" asks Aunt B again

"Yes, they are all related." Aunt D replied.

"oh, there is another one good for cancer and your knees. The tujuh jarum (7 needles)."

"How do you use it? We have never heard of it." asks several aunts in unison.

"Oh you just pluck the leaf and eat it." "Oh, is it the one with the red flower?"

Oh yes, they are all talking about plants and herbal medicine. Kancing butang, misai kucing and tujuh jarum are all names of plants. We finally understood what they were talking about. You see, these aunts really have a wealth of knowledge. While it is amusing to listen to them. I do hope that I will one day achieve "auntyhood" like them in my old age. I didn't see old ladies in front of me. I saw honourable and respectable people who have done much in their lives just being daughters, mothers, aunts, grandmothers, wives, girlfriends and so much more. I admire these women, their knowledge, their kindness and their solidarity. I went home and I saw my mother and I appreciated her that much more.

Anti Vice Squad

2007-02-02T11:19:00.001+08:00

His hands never left her waist throughout the match. Even when people stood up to jeer or cheer, they were still seated, his hands encircling her. Once in a while he would kiss her forehead and whispered to her about the intricate details of the match that she did not understand. It got cold and he took off his shirt and put it around her legs and rub her arms. Awww....so sweet. NOT! it is so disgusting because it is not appropriate behaviour. They should also put up alongside the no-smoking sign a NO PDA allowed sign. Everybody around them were uncomfortable by their presence.

So all the time they were right under our noses and PDAing, which were too sweet that it makes us cringe with disgust so we decided to be the anti-vice squad. Heh he. We used the free clappers given to us and clapped around their ears to distract them. I poked them once in a while. "Oops! Sorry!" "Oh no, Accident!" Heh hehe. When he took off the shirt to wrap it around the legs and hugged her to shield her from the cold draft, we rolled our eyes and thought "How silly! U wear a short skirt to watch a match? Duh, of course when u sit, the people in front can see everything!' We turned to one another "Eh, u need another t-shirt or not? Cold ah? U sure u don't need another t-shirt? U need a hug? cos it is quite cold." Yeah, ok, we were quite mean. But they were asking for it. And we had a ball of time giving them a hard time. The funny thing is the guy wore gold chain and bracelet and the girl has not a single piece of jewellery on her. What has the world come to?

Yupps, watching a live match is really fun and exciting. he hehe.

Where are u? We are wearing red.

2007-02-01T13:05:00.000+08:00

Place: National Stadium
Occassion: Singapore vs Thailand (ASEAN cup finals - 1st leg)
Situation: 55 500 Singapore suppporters most of whom wear red. Early birds 'chop' seats for friends arriving later.
Time: 7.45 pm

Overheard: Boy on the handphone "Where are u? U can't see us ah? We are down here lah. We are wearing red!"

Muaha hahahahahahha!!!!!!!!

Pretty pleased

2007-01-16T13:53:00.000+08:00

Rather happy with the work my sec 4s did in their class presentations so far. Some of their presentations clearly exceeded my expectations. Very creative work and in depth analysis of the Principles of Governance and also some of the policies. Although I had to correct some misperceptions, it is still allright because they are only teenagers and yet they are discoursing on some issues that I would expect uni students to do. It goes to show that if one pushes them a little bit and give them room to explore, they can come up with pretty amazing things. I did not give them any specific guidelines or specific websites but I keep telling them I want to see creativity and imagination in their presentations and they did not disappoint me. I am pretty pleased with them. Video presentations, skits, poems, songs...they all take effort to do and I am very impressed. While some resort to powerpoint slides but they did in depth analysis of policies and their shortfalls. How could I not be proud of them? Moments like this gives me a warm feeling, I forget the ugly parts and I love teaching.

here is a poem 2 boys from 4A wrote. I am very proud of them. The poem is cynical (normal for the teenagers today) but cute. Enjoy. Please do not copy the poem. Ask permission if you wish to use the poem.

Education
by Edison Neo and Goh Zhong Da (AHS 4A 2007)

The long education
Of this great nation
Takes us to graduation
With a sea of competition.
Mental abrasion
End up in asylum

The weight of the pressure
Goes beyond nature
Homework from my teacher
Scolding and a lecture
Get a degree and become a doctor
Is it so easy? Are you so sure?

Tertiary, divided into three
JC, Poly, ITE
Different levels of study
Immediately judged by society
The curse of this country
Built through hardship
By our dear PM Lee

Then comes Tharman
Changed the system
Upside down our surriculum
Affecting the whole generation
But we could be wrong
Anyway it is education

state of mind

2007-01-14T19:17:00.000+08:00

State of mind: a documentary about the people of Communist Korea. President: Kim Jung Il. If you think that Singapore's National Day parades are spectacular, precise and out of this world, you have not seen North Korea's parades. Go to You Tube and try to find North Korea's mass games and you see what I mean. just click on the link above. Watch it and be amazed. Then watch the other video clips about the mas games and be even more amazed. Watch, and you see no one is out of synch. Everything's perfect. They are all smiling and happy. They train twice a day everyday. And the best part is, they think it is an honor to be chosen as part of the regiment. They want to perform in front of their great general. To perform in the mass games is their proudest moment. That, I think is even more amazing. Go, watch.

how quickly things change

2006-12-26T18:32:00.000+08:00

I was looking through my uni notes for inspiration. Found some of the papers I wrote during my PS/SEA days and I was happy that I did make good grades. I marveled at some of my work because it has been so long and I am not so sure I can do the same kind of work I did before. It seemed like a lifetime ago and yet uni life was very enlightening and intellectually enriching. I even found my Honours thesis. I still am not proud with what I did. A 12,000 word full of crap. I shoved it back into the cupboard with disgust. I found an assignment I did with 2 other people for module Change and Diaspora in SEA. We did on the changing rituals of Malay weddings. That is one cool assignment. And I am amused when I read the insciption we put for our lecturer. "Laksa is not served at Malay weddings. Maybe food served at weddings will revolutionise in the future." Upon reading it, it struck me that Laksa IS now served at Malay weddings. The food served HAS revolutionised. That project was done 6 years ago. I still remember how much I had learnt during that project. So much I did not know and I still do not know. The thought of this project and how much has changed in such a short space of time and the fact that time just flew by was mind boggling. All I could think about was "WOW". Amazing. By the way, we got an A grade for it. :)

My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult

2006-12-22T18:49:00.000+08:00

Tears rolled continously while reading this book. Picture this, Anna, a 13 year old girl asking for medical emancipation from her parents because she refused to donate one of her kidneys to her 16 year old sister. Kate, who is dying of leukemia. Anna, has been her sister's donor since she was born. In fact, she is a designer baby. A baby created especially to match her sister so that she can give blood, bone marrow and platelets to her sister. It seems a clear cut case of a child who yearns for attention because her parents are caught up with Kate's never ending ailments. Yet, it is not so. As the book is written from the perspectives of every main character in the story you get insights into their thoughts and feelings. And from Anna's perspective, there is some great mystery and big secret that she bears. When all is revealed in the court, the truth is so much more sad than speculation and assumptions. It is easier to be angry than to see and accept the truth and letting a loved one go. The ending is cliched, but because of the emotional roller coaster one gets from reading the book, it is totally unexpected. Questions on what Anna would do in the end is answered in one fall sweep of fate.

This is my first Jodi Picoult's book ever and she is a good author. Her style is simple, yet her words brings about emotions of empathy and sympathy. She manages to get you involved as the character and feel their emotions. In this book she sketches simply the lives of children and teenagers who suffer from terminal diseases. A place where the healthy would never thread, much less think about. The world of disease is sad enough but when it happens to innocent young lives, it is tragic. What do children with such a fate do, think and feel? What about their families? If you want to find out and get a glimpse, read the book. It is not a tear jerker kind of book because it is sad....The words make you cry only if you can identify with the emotions they convey.

End of the hols soon

2006-12-11T12:44:00.000+08:00

Soon, Christmas will come and my holidays will end. Right after Christmas it is back to work. No rest for the weary. I have not taken any real hols as yet, apart from KL which was more of a discovery and sleep in car session than a holiday. But it was memorable. First time I did such a thing. My parents do not know the truth. Heheh. And those of you who know...Shhh. hee heh.

Ok, greedy me have read and bought at least 20 books this hols. It is like a pay back session for not doing enough reading the rest of the year. I have all the 13 books of the Series of Unfortunate Events and have read all. An intriguing series. Certainly not meant for kids. I have enjoyed The Kite Runner, The Time Traveller's Wife and I am going to devour For One More Day next. After that book, I will take a rest from reading. It is such a luxury to sit and read. It really is. I love Time Traveller's Wife. It is such a sweet and romantic book, full of happiness and sadness and it is such an easy read. The Kite Runner is also an interesting read although it had a one sided version of the Taliban and the atrocities they do. Otherwise, the themes of racism, war, chaos, brotherhood, rites of passage, father and son relationship and elitism are explored and conveyed in ways that a reader could truly emphatise. I do recommend these 2 books. My sister from the sisterhood made me read IT by Stephen King. That is one scary novel. Don't read if you are a scaredy cat. And I am a scaredy cat.

Even though I did not go away at all this hols. This is the best hols I have had. I hope it would remain so. I am happy.

PGL, slowpitch softball and more

2006-11-28T09:34:00.000+08:00

I can't believe I got tickets to watch PGL last Friday. Opening night, no less. I jumped for joy when a colleague offered me the tickets 3 days before the event. I can't believe I was so lucky. And category 2 tickets! A magnificient performance. PGL (Puteri Gunung Ledang), the musical was fantastic. The cast and crew did a wonderful job. Indeed, it was a world class performance. I am proud that the Malay theatre can be on par with international theatre standards. Bravo!

It was strange they casted an Ang Moh (Hughes) who speaks not a word of Malay as Hang Tuah. His performance was not too bad but we agreed that he could not convey the emotions that Hang Tuah had. That aside, it was splendid! I would love to catch PGL again if they ever perform at Istana Budaya in KL again. I am sure the Istana would be more fitting than the Esplanade.

Ok, change topic. I must thank my students who had gallantly step up to take part in the Slowpitch Softball tournament. It was tough because they had the baggage of playing fastpitch and our opponents are all adults, mostly expatriates from America and Europe. The brute strength and the mindsets of these adults definitely rattled my students initially. But we gained back what we had lost and came in 3rd. I am sure, my softballers could have clinched the top prize if they had been in their usual groove on the first day. But, it was an achievement and I am proud of them.

Meanwhile, that same weekend, it was the first time I was called a scuba diver. Hmm...I can see the reason why. But that borders on being rude. Especially the way it was delivered. Rather insensitive. Jokes are jokes but some jokes can get too far. I can laugh at myself, but when in a sports meet, you discuss differences in skills and not colour, creed or religion. In the past few years that I have been a softball teacher in charge my wearing the scarf had no bearing whatsoever. I have met almost all the coaches and teachers in charge and I never saw myself different. We only discuss softball matters and there is respect. I have never seen myself different and I am not conscious I am different. Never had anyone made me feel small because of the extra cloth I am wearing. My students joke, but it is to my face and good natured.

I am not angered but I got a glimpse of what other Muslims in other countries face. I had a slice of it and I felt bothered, slightly shocked and puzzled. This is nothing compared to the persecution other Muslims face in other countries. I thank Allah for I am born here in Singapore where there are attempts and efforts made for religious/racial harmony. Discussions and dialogues are most important here. People are more understanding and open. I thank Him for this. I also pray that my fellow Muslim brethrens elsewhere who are not so lucky as I am will be strong and look to Him for guidance.

It'a Ramadhan and all and I am supposed to refrain but....

2006-10-12T07:46:00.000+08:00

BITCH!!!!!!!

Peace and love

2006-09-10T23:08:00.000+08:00

Peace and love comes with a price? Hmm...

The Devil Wears Prada

2006-08-31T20:45:00.000+08:00

I just caught a glimpse of Teacher's Day Rally on the news and one word went through my mind. Suffice to say, it was not something wholesome. Hah haha heh heh. Amusing and sad.

I just finished reading the above mentioned book. Read, mind you, not watched it in the movies. It is a brilliant book! Go read it, I really recommend it. I find it has a satisfying resolution. The big dramatic scene when the protagonist finally made up her mind and did the most sane thing she had ever done was wonderful. I imagined I was her all the time. Hahah haha. powerful stuff. That scene is my fave. :)

I was kind of inspired by the book. It is time for risks and changes. :)

have you ever wondered?

2006-08-21T22:30:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered...

1. What happened to all the clothes that Superman tears off when he goes into the phone booth to change?
2. How come no one recognises Superman as Clark Kent when all he does is to put a curly lock on his forehead to change his appearance?
3. How come a small piece of mask that covers the eyes of superheroes/villains will make them unrecognisable to the rest of the cartoon world?
4. Why do Superman and Batman wear their underwear outside?
5. How come Hulk's boxer shorts expands and shrinks according to his personality changes? Shouldn't they rip apart?
6. How come all the Superheroes/villain are concentrated in USA (or a country that resembles USA)?
7. How come bad things happen in cities of USA and when it happens in some other countries, these countries are depicted as rural and backward?
8. How is it when Mary Jane got caught by Dr. Octavia's claws her skirt did not flip up? Nothing dirty here, but wind and gravity... go figure...?
9. Why do the Teen Titans get to stay at home and fight crime? Don't they have to go to school?
10. How does Hawk Girl wears her clothes? She wore a white body hugging tank top in one of the Justice League cartoons ... how in the world did she get it on if she has a pair of wings sprouting from her back?
11. Why is it that the Powerpuff girls have no fingers or toes?
12. Who makes Superman's and Spiderman's costumes? If their identities are such a secret, do their alter egos sew their own costumes then? But they never seem to do so in the shows ... the costumes can't appear out of no where...
13. Batman relies on Alfred a lot ... what happens if Alfred dies? Alfred is old ....
14. Super heros never go to the toilet, never.
15. But what happens if they need to?

The affairs of the Stamp

2006-08-21T10:09:00.000+08:00

Good news!

My Core History class did very well at the Singpex competition recently.
We sent in 5 entries and we won 1 silver and 4 bronzes. Good work people. I am rather proud of them. They had put in a lot of hard work, effort and I am sure, sweat, tears and blood as well.

I also sent in an entry under the Adult category and I won the silver prize. Heh, didn't expect to win anything. Anyway, cool. So, the prize giving ceremony is this Saturday, 26th August at United Square. Do visit the exhibition which is held there this weekend. My entry is Fantastic Felines and I go by the pseudonym of Queen Z. Heehhe, go figure....

Water spout

2006-08-14T08:02:00.000+08:00

Water spout sighted off the coast of Sentosa. Eye witness account said that all the people started running towards the shoreline and started taking photos of it.

Water spout = something like a mini tornado

Think about it, you would think that with all the deaths and tragedy that was caused by natural phenomenons around the world, Singaporeans will be smart enough to take shelter instead of "look, look, tornado! Let's take photos! Yippee!"

Of course, no harm done cos water spouts dissipates quickly. Still, let's be smart about stuff. Singapore is safe - no volcanoes, no hurricanes, no earthquakes - but not totally safe.

Gratitude

2006-08-02T23:01:00.000+08:00

I can't control what happen next so I should stop being worried and think so much about this issue. Sensitive issue, can't really blog about it. I am just thankful that I have so many wonderful friends who are so willing to listen and advise me. I feel blessed that they are there to comfort me when I needed someone. The past few days, I just didn't want to work. I wanted to bury my head under my covers, sleep and fall into oblivion and perhaps miraculously when I wake up the problem is solved, the sun is shining and everyone is happy again. But sleep, especially excessive sleep is an enemy - signs of depression. I am glad I stuck to my decision to do my circuit training and meet up with some people at the talk at DA. I felt happy and all charged up after a good workout. My discussion over this issue with 3 worldly wise people had put me in the right direction. I know what to do now. I feel empowered.

I don't think I could have made it through without my friends. TKAmazons who saw me online and immediately picked up my SOS. My DA people and Salem's daughter who kindly advised and listened to me and were patient even though I was in a self pity/self justification mood and did not want to accept advice. But they prevailed and I know what they said was right. My sisterhood of the magnetic chains babes who have their own huge problems but so willing to go out so we can bitch together and make ourselves feel good. Lastly, I am glad I have the support of a very young person who does not even know the details and yet told me that my happiness is most important and I should do what is right to achieve that happiness even if it means sacrificing something. If anything, this young person made me stronger and more determined. I am not going to sacrifice something close to my heart so that I can be free of this problem. The solution is just round the corner, I should just wait and stop agonizing over it. Afterall, Allah will never put me in a test that He knows I can't cope. I am very thankful to Him for I am in a good company.

2006-08-01T22:10:00.000+08:00

It's been almost a month since my last blog. The tournaments are all over. Top 8 in Nationals again for my boys. Hopefully, better achievements next year. Spur them on to greater heights.

Saw Peterpan on tv just now. They showed the concert I went to and the interview and then a video clip of my fave song - Langit tak mendengar. For a while, I was in a state of bliss. Forgot all the unhappy thoughts and feelings.

Not been very happy lately. So many things happen. Shocking things. Each time I recall that incident, I still feel shock. I wish it didn't happen, then I wouldn't do what I did. I feel badly. It should be a good moment for me, but I don't feel good about it. Soemtimes, I wish I kept it to myself. No one would know and time would pass and I will eventually forget about it. But then what? The matter could be made worse. If I didn't stand up for my rights, then perhaps it would go on and on and soemone else could get hurt. I wish the words were not said. Perhaps, I could have handled it differently. I could have said something and then drop the matter.

But it already happened. Look forward. Tmr is a new day. It could be a better day. I wish I have a mean streak in me. Then, I would not feel badly over what I did. So many have told me that I did the right thing. I should feel comforted over it, it is not my fault. I know it is not my fault, for goodness sake. I should just not think about it. I did the right thing. I was not in the wrong. It was a serious thing and it demanded a serious course of action. I wish I know what is going to happen next over this matter.

Down and out

2006-07-05T20:44:00.000+08:00

I discovered that disappointment is worse than having a broken heart and trust me I had a few broken hearts in my lifetime. I wish I am angry. With anger, I can shout and go for aerobics or kickboxing and feel better after that. Disappointment lingers on and weighs you down. I want to cry yet I can't cry. I am not angry. I don't think I can handle anymore disappointments like this. My hopes for the best is in a precarious position. Funny, my hopes are not even for me. They are for those boys and gals that I care for.

They say the people you care for will disappoint you. I never thought it true until lately. Small waves of disappointment and then today... I can't take it anymore. I have my quota for disappointment filled up already. Please, no more. I got over my disappointment with the B div. Now both C divs.... heart wrenching.... please God, let them win!

Lost in Translation

2006-07-01T11:42:00.000+08:00

This is my recent fave song by Peterpan band. Initially I like the song for its music. Later on I scrutinised the lyrics, they are beautiful. Once upon a time a long time ago, this could be my theme music. Sad, but true. Now, I look at the kyrics and the literature buff in me just fell in love with the words. The lyrics are so poetic. Simple language but so profound. It is more than just about a broken heart, the lyrics are positively philosophical. Of course when translated in English most of the deeper and hidden undertones of the lyrics are lost.

Langit Tak Mendengar

Jalan hidup telah memilih
Menurunkan aku ke bumi
Hari berganti dan berganti
Aku diam tak memahami

Mengapa hidup begitu sepi
Apakah hidup seperti ini
Mengapa ku selalu sendiri
Apakah hidupku tak berarti

Coba bertanya pada manusia
Tak ada jawabnya
Aku bertanya pada langit tua
Langit tak mendengar

The sky didn't hear me
The path of life have chosen
To put me here on earth
Days keep on changing
I stood still, failing to grasp the meaning

Why is life so barren?
Is life like this?
Why am I always alone?
Does my life have no meaning?

I try asking mankind
No answer is given
I question the old sky
The sky didn't hear me

They rocked the house down! Part 3

2006-06-19T20:29:00.000+08:00

okie...more pictures. Enjoy

They rocked the house down! Part 2

2006-06-19T19:43:00.000+08:00

Okie, I really should back track. Prior to the concert and stalking, I did the teeny bopper groupie thingy. I greeted them at the airport. hehhe hehe. I know, I know, my students have been telling me that I am old, not supposed to be over excited by some band and chase them around town. Some think I am crazy .... but guess what? I don't care. It is something I have never done in my life and I am glad I did it. Besides, what is age? It is nothing but a number. Don't compartmentalise me and say this is what a teacher/person of 27 should not be doing. Hehe Besides, it is fun. And I have my Sohabahs with me. We are a fun loving, crazy bunch of people.

Anyway, back to Peterpan... what can I say. We waited for them despite the delay in their flight. Took photos of their luggage that came first. Went for the Peterpan fan club launching. They are so near to me. Like 2 metres away. So reachable, yet at times like this, my self consciousness will kick in. I could not bring myself to talk to them. So star- struck, I was. I am amazed at how gals could hug them (shameless hussies). I remembered when I stalked them and took a photo with them, I was trembling all over. I walked past them 3 times and backed out each time. I had to call Chups for moral support. Hahha. Well, I did it, anyway. He hehe, By the way, I forgot to mention in the last entry that because of Peterpan, I went into a pub for the first time. It was at Chjimes. The smell of alcohol is not very nice, you know.

I came out of this experience, more the wiser. I know more about these boys from Peterpan. Some things pleasant, some things not so pleasant. I still like them but I have learnt I am no longer star-struck. From afar, they seem so surreal, giant-like to be admired and loved by all. But, our meeting have shown me they are just normal human beings - they just have the talent to rock, and rock they did. For their music, I love them still, I cannot wait for their next album. I still think Ariel is sexy, Andika cute and Uki has charms though, but they are just like you and me. :)

So, ada apa dengan Peterpan? You listen to their songs, you just can't help loving them.

They rocked the house down!

2006-06-17T23:46:00.000+08:00

Concert at HRC 17th June 2006.

First time, I went HRC. Probably my first and perhaps my last. Peterpan was responsible for it.

Peterpan band, made me do many a first.

1. Join a fan club
2. Go to the airport to greet celebrities - them
3. Take photos with celebrities - them
4. Go on a stalking mission
5. Go to HRC
6. Queue for 5 hours for a concert
:) :) :)

A pretty fun, exciting and cool time. Definitely the highlight of this June hols. By the way, I am wearing a Peterpan t-shirt and listening to their songs while blogging all this. My mind is doing a flashback of the concert that rocked the house!

4 sohabahs who went through the Peterpan experience.

Ariel, he looked at me many times during the concert. I swear! Cos I am a head taller than everybody else as I climbed the bottom rung of the barrier and I was so totally noticeable. So, he was so looking at me!. Heh heh.

They rocked the house man! All their sonsg they made into rock version. They are so good. The drums, guitars, keyboard and vocals working in harmony to prosduce such wonderful songs. Bliss!

Me with 4 out of 6 of the band members. Notice, Andika's hand around me. Hah hha. Ariel and Uki, missing. From left, Andika, me, Lokeman, Reza, Indra. I was at Paragon and "accidentally" met them. he heh (15th June 2006)

Anyway, they are very nice.

I met Andika accidentally, this time pure coincident, on friday. Shook his hands. He's a cutie, both looks and personality.

Okie, enough for now. More Peterpan ... next entry. :)

Old injuries

2006-06-13T21:52:00.000+08:00

It is amazing how old injuries come back to haunt you. My right ankle and left elbow twinges when moved in a certain way. My right ankle's injury took me by surprise just now. It sort of twisted and gave a crack which hurt and made me lose my balance. Fell down, but I stopped the ball anyway. It still hurts when I twist them around. But, no pain no glory....? What glory? it's not like I am taking part in any tournaments. Oh well, satisfaction, I suppose. The competitor in me, the 'it is all or nothing' person, the 'you go girl, you can do it' character that does not give up that drives me to play just now.

I feel kinda guilty about my elbow. Every now and then when I exercise and my left elbow twinge, I remembered what my physiotherapist said at the last appointment 2 years ago : Now you are discharged, but you need to use weights to strenthen your left arm and you need to straighten it further another 5-10 degrees. (oh, if you straighten your arm, the angle is more than 180, my right is 194, but my left after it got broken is 18 something. So, when I straighten both arms, they are not parallel.) Well, it twinges and it is so weak. I can't support my weight with my left arm! The elbow really hurts. A constant reminder that I push myself too hard to attain excellence in sports, but I don't learn...I still push myself harder. Except for skating of course, that sport, I will take it easy... Don't want to risk another broken limb. heh heh.

Now, I am suffering from 2 old injuries, pain in the neck and stiff shoulders. I am not very comfortable. oooh my neck....my ankle, my elbow....Ow!

Mistress Cat

2006-06-09T20:45:00.000+08:00

I swear cats are much more intelligent than we think they are. Another cat had adopted my family, yes, that's right, cats adopt us and not the other way round. So far there has been, starting from the latest adopter: manja, hitam-putih, minah, mat, belang, 5 cats that has adopted us. It is all very unceremonious, we do not even know they have adopted us until we find them sleeping on the sofa or bed. Usually, sleeping in the flat confirms it all. They managed to get into our hearts and we allowed them to stay.

If you notice, their names are not very glamorous or remotely cute. You see, these cats will come and ask for food and they usually go away and then they keep coming back for food. We don't give them cute names cos it would mean we get attached to them. But, they stayed and eat and sleep in the flat, eventually. Most of the time, they end up on my bed, taking away precious space from me. It is sad, but I usually give in to these cats. They always sleep in the centre and I have a tiny weeny space at the side. You see, how smart they are. They rule the sleeping arrangements. Hahha. It is a wonder these tiny little things can manipulate human beings.

So this new cat, has already claimed my bed. She is in the middle, that is expected. She has this gorgeous huge yellow eyes that are so curious. She is black and white just like Hitam Putih. So we are not sure what to call her. We can't call her by her colour cos then we will have to call her Hitam Putih Junior or HP 2. She is so lovable, always purring and she is just putty when we pick her up. She loves to be kissed. I have been calling her manja for her coyness, my dad calls her betina, which means female. Naturally, we don't expect to keep her, but I think we are in for a long haul with her.

Seriously, my family has always been in a state of denial about the cats. We always claim they are not ours because they don't stay in all the time. I think the cats consider us an extension of their cat family who feeds them. It is funny that we don't call these cats ours when they only respond to us outside and follow us into the lift and walk home with us. With other people they just run away. So, yes, they are not ours. Right.

Anyway, we are all in a dilemma, cos Hitam Putih is very territorial. He had seen Manja at home before and he would have beaten her to a pulp if I have not stepped in. I had to clean the mess they made. Cat pee all over the floor and fur flying. What a todo! So now she is inside and what happens when Hitam Putih comes home?

By the way another reason why cats are smarter is because they make you feed them good food. Really, stray cats will eat anything you throw at them. Fish, chicken, liver, you name it. They will also put on their cute face and will roll around for you asking to be tickled and stroked. But, when they claim you as their adopted family, they don't do these thinsg anymore. They don't want to eat the same cat food or fish anymore. They want a variety of food. Then, they don't want to do the cute things they did to captivate your heart anymore. Such cunningness, such planning and drama! Once, they know that they have gotten you, they drop all acts and be the King and Queen that rules the roost! That's cats for you.

All a flurry

2006-06-06T22:27:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered what it is like to ride at the back of an ambulance? If you do and you have not, don't fret, it is not worth wondering. I took a ride in an ambulance down to Changi to accompany a student. His face and a fast softball collided. Not a pretty result. Blood, blood, blood everywhere. All from 2 cuts around the eye. But still, blood dripped everywhere. Yeah, so that's how I ended up at the back of an ambulance. Nothing like the shows you watch like ER, Third Watch or whatever Hollywood feeds into our gullible minds. It was all very sedated, the paramedics were kind and calm. I was all in a flurry, because the girls are in a room at one end of the school and the office is at the other end. I had to run and lock up the room, get my stuff and of course shout last minute instructions at my kids and ask a favour from a colleague, why would I not be in a flurry?

So, I spent 4 hours in a hospital with a set of parents who cannot speak English at all. Lucky another colleague came. We started talking about holidays and other nonsense. So I told him of what went on in a course I attended yesterday. The trainer, a British who had taught in Singapore and Western Australia told this story:

A Singaporean went to Western Australia to teach Bahasa Indonesia. So holidays came and he was dissatisfied with the performance of one of his classes. So he went to the Principal and said "I have a very weak class of students. I will tutor them for 1 and 1/2 hours everyday during the hols."
The Principal replied "It is the holidays - the students are having fun on their holidays, they are out surfing. You should go and enjoy your holidays."

Isn't that a great story? We all wished that our Ministry and Principal would say such things. Ban remedials, extra lessons, let the kids take back their childhood and let teachers have a well deserved rest. We came to a conclusion that there is paranoia about grades and doing well and getting As for exams. A student who has all As for his exams may not be the nicest person or someone I want to lead the country. A very weak student on the other hand has much more EQ and understanding, empathy and a heart and that person is someone who I would proudly proclaim as my student. So, the process of developing a person should go beyond grades. But I digress, the issue of social emotional learning is something to be discussed on its own. My point is, why are teachers still working hard during hols? Why are teachers tortured and punished into going back to school to give kids remedials? My take is, if students don't have the courtesy to pay attention in normal curriculum time and don't hand in work, why should I give up my holidays to re-teach them again? It does not make sense. At least if I have kids who are just slow learners, I wouldn't mind. It all boils down to grades and ranking. To quote Shakespeare "Something is wrong in the state of Denmark" well, in this case, Singapore.

I can't do anything about the situation I am in, it is too huge. It would mean changing the whole system amd mindset of the whole nation. Since it can't be done, maybe I should consider just migrating for the slower path. The path that allows me to stop and smell the roses, the path that tells me to relax in the countryside, and there is actual countryside! Sigh, wouldn't that be a dream come true?

By the way, the student who got hit by the softball, he is fine. He required a few stitches on the 2 cuts around his eye, but he will live to tell his tale. He might have a scar, but scars add character and some chicks dig scars. Hehe hhee. It is a rite of passage. You are not a true softballer unless you have sustained an injury. hahah.

End of

2006-06-04T17:58:00.000+08:00

May has ended and June has started. End of the first week of hols! Arrgh! it is going by so fast, and I have not done plenty of things. So much for planning. See I planned this elaborate scheme of one month skating and exercising, reading, movies, go for a trip to Malaysia, sleeping and so much more. But I have only gone for 2 yoga combat classes and went to school for remedials and training. But, I have been reading. I bought books. I chanced upon Times and Borders on my many errands and decided I have to get some books. I can't stand borrowing from the library especially during the hols. They are too crowded and noisy with kids and I can't find what I want to read anyways. So I bought loads of books, mostly chick literature. I wanted to go back to my usual reading of philosophical, deep thinking sort of books, but I decided that my brains are fried (because of school) and cannot take any intense novels for now. Have not been reading for so long, I really should put aside some money every month to buy books. Errmm...wait, that would mean I have to spare some time in my already packed schedule to go shopping, and oh yeah, spare some time to read....When would that be? Some time between 12-4 in the morning, when I suffer from insomnia or when I wake up from one of my many school induced stress nightmares? Perhaps.

At least I am going to see Peterpan band on the 14th and 17th. I am thinking of changing my blogskin to Peterpan. But, I would feel like a groupie ... (okie chups, i know, not groupie, fan from a fan club). oh well, I might just change my blogskin...we shall see.

May

2006-05-24T17:40:00.000+08:00

I love May. It is a glorious month, mainly because it is my birthday month. Heh heh. Despite the fact that I grow up spending all my birthdays taking exams, I still love May. Maybe because I love taking exams. Of course now, I do all the marking in May, but still May is a glorious, wonderful month.

May is a beautiful month because
1. I was born in May
2. It is Spring/Summer season
3. A lot of flowers bloom in May
4. It is the month before June hols
5. I was born in May. he heh

haha. Okie, yupps, i know a lot of wonderful people who's birthday falls in May. This year's birthday is quite memorable. Mainly because I was too busy marking that I actually forgot my birthday but many students helped me remember. The celebration by the softball boys and presents were touching. Thank you. :)

In other news, I saw a squirrel on the way to school on Monday. I don't think anyone else noticed. It was cute. It leapt from branch to branch gracefully. It is the small Asian version one, I believe. Not the huge ones like I saw in Chiangmai a long time ago. It is quite heartening though to know that such elusive creatures had migrated to BR park. I would be happier if I could see eagles back at the park. There used to be a couple when I was younger, now there are no more. The BR park is getting more matured now, so perhaps more animals will come. I hope....

Sisterhood of the Magnetic Chains

2006-05-02T19:02:00.000+08:00

Wonderful weekend. Thanks to my sohabahs. We have a new name - Sisterhood of the Magnetic Chains. :)

I am so glad that I took a break from the crazy marking and school stuff and had this hen night /slumber party. It has been a while since I had this much fun. Pool, dinner, horror movie, chick flick, scrabble, breakfast and the Little India experience, they are such a blast! It didn't matter that we were sucky at pool (aai, keep your hands of the balls!) or we made such a ruckus everywhere we went, we were together and that is most important. Ok babes, next time we do this, no more horor movies. :)

I am going to honour my Sohabah contract. Having it laminated and framed. :) Love you people to pieces (rule no. 3). XXXOOO (rule no 5). (aai, you did not honour rule 4 - tell us the truth all the time - threading hurts! Ticklish, indeed! )

For the love of the game

2006-03-30T20:15:00.000+08:00

My B division boys - My Gentlemen

Their dreams are shattered. Hopes of glory gone. My heart feels heavy for them. Tears in my eyes. It is hard for me to see them thwarted again then I am sure it must be harder for them.

I have seen how hard they have worked to improve themselves. I could sense their desire to win. They have a vast knowledge of the game, but circumstances are not on their side, again. Their journey as AHS softballers will come to a close in a few days time, a journey that was cut short. It may end for now but I do hope they will continue on their journey in softball in years to come. Don't give up, my boys. Be strong and prevail, one day you will achieve the gold.

A group of gentlemen. Smart, funny, charming, polite, humble, disciplined and talented - was the feedback a lot of teachers had given me. I could not agree more. I am very proud of them mainly because they have good character. I would like to follow up on them when they leave AHS, to see the paths they will take. I am sure they will continue to be the gentlemen they are today and I would like to be there to applaud them in their future successes.

They have not disappoint me, they are and will always be my gentlemen.

my mind's a blank

2006-03-26T20:36:00.000+08:00

I am so tired, my back is aching, I feel stressed and I just want to cry. I have spent the entire weekend on doing up notes, slides and whatever stuff for school. Today alone, I spent hours in front of the laptop. my back hurts. In my mind, when I think of the subjects I teach, I see myself hyperventilating cos it seems like it is so overwhelming and I am so tired and I can't breathe because there are so many things to do and I don't know if my students are learning enough. It is bad enough I have nightmares, now I am being Ally McBealish.

Should teacher's blog? That is the question in today's Life. So, some feel that teachers should not and if they do, not to complain. Well, well, ok, I agree if there are complaints, then the students and issues should remain anonymous. Understandable. No point slurring someone's good name on the net. I do admit that I do complain vehemently about my profession when I am in the mood to do so. So, we teachers complain and some complain through blogging. By doing so, are we being not professional. Maybe, I guess there is a limit to what can be blogged. I have no issues there. What I can't phantom is that why is it that ST likes to spotlight on the wrongs/misdeeds/misjudgements of teachers? Are teachers saints? How come there is a higher morality standards for teachers. How come mistakes made, no matter if it is small, are unforgivable because, get this, we are teachers? ST should perhaps highlight what the actual job of teachers. Rhetorical questions, I may have. I will stop at this point before it gets worse.

Hey, I have nothing against the profession. I do like teaching and interacting with students. I took a career test, and well, teaching is my no. 1 ability. Well, hey, looks like teaching is in my blood. But, that does not mean I can't complain and wonder about the circumstances I am in. If I don't like teaching, would I in my right mind feel bad because I don't have enough time to design interactive lessons? Okie, getting all stressed up again.

With luck I will get through till Friday without actually hyperventilating.

complex toys

2006-03-18T19:09:00.000+08:00

I never realized that toys have evolved so much today. What happened to plain old marbles and pick up sticks, 5 stones and simple robots and cars? They have somehow disappeared and are replaced by complicated toys that requires assembly and more than basic understanding of mechanics.

we celebrated my nephew's 5th birthday today. He had plenty of presents, the biggest from his parents - Hot Wheels racing track and cars. Pretty cool, and we wowed at how wonderful his presents are until we realised that we needed to put them together and there were like millions of parts. And such complicated instructions, too. So 3 adults tried to fix the track. I read the manual, giving instructions, and my bro in law and his cousin were fixing the track with 6 over-excited, screaming children trying to help, but actually hindering, around us. It took us 1/2 an hour to assemble it. Halfway the kids were already pushing cars around the track while we were still attaching various parts of the track together. In the end, when we were done, we were exhausted and the kids had such a ball trying out the battery operated race track and hot wheels. All we could do was watch them play. We had our turn when the kids left. Hhehee.

That was not the only present that needed assembly. Most presents required us to assemble the parts. There was 2 more hot wheels stuff, a transformer robot and I bought for him a Lego like toy that he can fix and build 3 racing cars. After piecing the other 2 Hot Wheels products and trying to figure out the transformer, I did not even dare to open my present. Mine has gzillion parts and I had enough of putting things together.

The adults marveled at such toys. we never had anything so sophisticated in our childhood. It is nice and all, but it wouldn't last very long nor would it hold the attention of my nephew for long when the novelty wears off. Today's toys are sophisticated but it does not hold much promise of giving them any imagination or creativity. I still prefer my old toys. Too bad today's kids don't get to play them.

I am not ashamed, I did it.

2006-03-17T20:31:00.000+08:00

I did it. Finally. Yes, I did something that I have been thinking of doing for close to a year. I was apprehensive. I never dared to do it. Everytime I wanted to do it, I chickened out. I always think of what my friends and family will say if I were to do it. Would they shake their heads and look at me with exasperation and disappointment? Or would they give me a lecture? Would anyone support me? But, I went and did it anyway. I did not consult anyone. I was quite afraid at first. I couldn't sleep at all last night. The thought of doing it scared me but I wanted to do it anyway. I know I must do it at whatever the cost. I decided not to think about it anymore, I must just jump in and do it. I know people who have done it, so why should I not do it? In the end I am glad I did it. I enjoyed the entire process of doing it and I am not ashamed to say I did it.

Yes, I finally made a pair of customised Adidas running shoes. Heh, what were you thinking?

Yeah, it cost a bomb but I had to make one. Apparently few running shoes on the shelf suited my needs and feet problems. I had enough of suffering from shin splints everytime I run with my current pair of track shoes. Left foot is flat footed (a result of too much walking and running - must be the teaching career). Never was flat footed, i was quite devastated to find out. Plus I have bunions on both feet, very bad one on my right foot. So I need a broad pair of shoes with a good stiff cushioning. There are a few brands with several models that suited my needs but they are damn ugly. Imagine a pair of white based shoes with shiny silver and light green trims. And they are pretty expensive anyway. So, I might as well top up a bit to get my own customised pair with colours I like and my name embroidered on it.

Yeah, I am glad I did it and I enjoyed the entire process. heh, serious. Doing the tests and all was quite fun. But you have to be quite thick skinned cos there will be loads of people watching. Felt like a star for a bit. Hahha. Cool. In 4 weeks I will have my new Adiddas running shoes. No more shin splint, painful arches and heels. Yeah! :)

reflections at the park connector

2006-03-15T14:23:00.000+08:00

I had a revelation at the siglap park connector. These things happen when your mind is free and you are jogging or walking and suddenly you had a brilliant idea or you finally understood something that has been bugging you in the past. So my revelation: I measure idiotic male species of the human kind to the boys that I teach. No, I am not saying the boys I teach and know are idiotic. I use them as a yardstick on how men should be men and boys should be boys. Hmm.. Sounds a bit cheem. I shall illustrate with examples.

Monday, taxi ride to school. Taxi driver (a member of the idiotic species of the male human kind) refuse to drive into the school. Expects me to drop of at the gate and walk in. I did not want to kick up a fuss but just inquired on why he refused to drive me in. He said "No". I, not understanding, told him that he could drive in as I am a teacher and the security guard would let the taxi in. "No" came the reply. I asked why again and the negative answer came again. So again for 3 times I asked for a reason but he kept answering "no". I was getting irritated by now. Seriously, there should be a better answer than a "NO". To cut a long story short, I paid him ( I should have refused to pay him), muttered crazy, slammed the door and stalked angrily into the school. So, what has this got to do with my students? Plenty. While arguing with the taxi driver, I suddenly had a deja vu feeling that I had this kind of conversation with several students. Every question is replied with a monosyllabic answer. It is expected in a student but when it comes from adults, it is very, extremely irritating.

Another example: a blind date. Another member of the idiotic species of the male human kind. He does not get sarcasm nor does he get subtle rejection. If he bothers me again, I shall drop all forms of subtlety and tell him that I am not interested. (Men, they just don't get it) So this idiot is like my student because that was my first impression of him. My colleagues tell me I am too critical and choosy when it comes to men, so I decided to lower my standards and give this man a chance even though he sounds really immature in his messages. So this is where he went wrong:
1) he was very, very late
2) he honked for me at the driveway. I have never met him, much less his car. How would I know which car he was in. And anyway, you don't honk for a girl on the 1st date. What, you think I am some kind of a bimbo who runs when a guy calls for her? Puhleeeese.
3) he did not plan for the date. (boys, take note - when you ask a girl out for a date, always plan for the date and have backup itenirary)
4) his dressing reminded me of my students - polo t-shirt with collars turned up, scruffy jeans and worn out, torn North Star shoes.
Loads of things went wrong but his dressing puts me off big time. I felt like I was walking with any of my students. And he is over 30 for goodness sake but he has the ego to claim that he looks like he just grad from school. And this really immature man thinks that I, as a teacher have the luxury to go out at any time he wants. My time, apparently is not as precious as his. I suppose he thinks that I am waiting around for him to call me and ask me out for future dates and that I will drop everything else just to go out with him because he works shift as a duty manager in a big hotel. Sorrrieee, I have a social life. This happened last year, but it all came back to me because this idiot of a man who has not contacted me for 3 months (I have totally forgotten that he existed) suddenly smsed me last week with the hopes of picking up where we left off (fat chance!).

Ok, so these 2 idiots of the male species reminded me very much of my boys. Except my boys are expected to behave in that way because they are still in the early teens. And I think that most of my boys that I know are much more gentlemanly than these 2 idiots. See, how the men have failed.

So, that was my revelation while brisk walking/ jogging from home to East Coast Road. I hope not to meet with anymore idiotic men in the near future. Once a year should be enough.

friends

2006-03-13T11:08:00.000+08:00

The following is taken from my best friend's blog. It warms the very cockles of my heart. :)

From Ana's blog:
2day i was reminded of what friends are..and how we take our friends for granted based on the duration of the friendship
Many friends come. Most friends go. Most remain in the shadows, in the handphone as contacts..never smsed or called but just as a reminder tt we were once friends who kept in contact because we were in the same school...or same workplace. Never used the number but just cant delete the contact file..just in case (tho there is never a case to call or catch up) So in handphone we have hundreds of so called friends...
Yet, how many friends are ever on the frequent sms list? How many on the recently received and dialled list? Are we friends cos we hang out at the same place, study in the same school, work in the same department, live in the same area or are we friends so we want to study in the same area, work in the same department, hang in the same area?
Are you a friend just cos u knew me 10 yrs ago? Are you not a friend cos we used to talk regularly few yrs ago but we don't anymore? Are you a friend cos you see me at work everyday and you ask me bout my day?Are you not a friend cos we only meet once a year?
A friend called me earlier today and told me "i've known you for 9 yrs so i need you to be a reference for clearance".Told. Not asked. I was so offended cos We were extremely close for 9 yrs but not anymore. Havnt been for a while. so does it count? Do i really wanna hav a friend who calls only to remind me we were close for a decade so favours can be called in as and when required? Where has tt friendship lead us? Is there stil anything i stil get from tt friendship tt i cant get anywhere?
Anotehr friend said late this nite..wah..you n z hav been friends for so long already ah! And then me n tt z realised tt we have kept in touch and been der for each other for 20 yrs. Not hi bye..but actual go out and hang once every few months. When we go out, she instantly tells me ( not ask but tell) to sit n she will get my food cos she knows i wont want to get my own food. Someone heard us and was surprised cos it was just so natural for us to read each others mind without realising it. She said the same thing i had typed bout the whole marriage thing...before she read my previous entry. she has hav never implied tt i hav to be nicer to her cos she's known me the longest...In fact..i can be super lazer with her and yet it has never affected our friendship.
Are you nice because you are my friend or are you my friend because you are nice?
Just to let ya know i love ya- the amazons, the babes, the girls.
Z - happy 20th anniversary!!!!

Happy 20th anniversary to you too, Farhana! :)

Sunday TV

2006-03-11T16:33:00.000+08:00

After the Torino Winter Olympic Games, Sunday TV is back to normal. Yaay! Debbie Travis is back! I love that show, for many reasons. It is funny, quirky and different from other home make over shows. Of course I look forward to having a glimpse of Scottie. He is cute. I can totally gush about him, but I shall not. I like the way Debbie Travis dress her employees. They all wear the same type of t-shirt - sportscut design or what I call the baseball style t-shirt - but of different colours. So carpenters wear orange with black sleeves, painters wear blue on blue and so on. The cool thing is they can have a variety of colours. So even though the painters wear blue, they have various shades of blue, or they can team up with white and blue sleeves. Then the carpenters can wear orange with blue sleeves. I only discovered it last week after watching dozens of her shows. You know people generally look good with this kind of t-shirts. I think men who wear them are so hot. (Scottie by the way, is a carpenter, and he looks incredibly hot in his orange and black T :P )

kids and household gadgets

2006-02-28T21:39:00.000+08:00

My nephews have caught the hand, foot and mouth disease. They have been staying over for the past few days. They watch cartoons the whole day. I have not watched any of tv programmes for the day yet. See how much control they have over the TV.

I noticed that my nephews are very good at understanding household appliances. For instance, my 2 month old living room phone has a speaker function. I am well aware of that but have never bothered to read the manual to learn how to operate it. Anyway, my 4 (turning 5 on 18 March) year old nephew cooly discovered how to use the speaker phone by himself. I bought the phone, but I dont know how to use all the functions but my nephew does. Today, he turned on the clock function on my SCV set top. I was amazed. I never knew there was a clock function.

It is both funny and sad. Firstly because it is riduculous that owners of appliances dont really know the functions of things they buy. Secondly, the reason why it is so because we have lost our sense of curiosity. I used to be as curious as a cat. I learnt many things by doing the same things my nephew did. Now as an adult, there is no time to keep up with my curious nature. I am so dull.

Today's exciting news: AHS B div boys softballers fought a good fight in the finals against Damai at Turf City. A very exciting match. I take my hat off to my boys. Though we lost by 1 run (the score is 3-2 to damai), I am very proud of them. Go for finals in the Nationals. Let me have another reason to wear my jersey again. hehhehe.

Mad world

2006-02-27T21:18:00.000+08:00

I heard this song on last week's CSI Las Vegas. I fell in love with it entirely because it has a nice melody and the lyrics was a reflection on what I was feeling lately. I recommend that you listen to the song:

Mad World by Gary Jules

All around me are familiar faces

Worn out places, worn out faces

Bright and early for their daily races

Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses

No expression, no expression

Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow

No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny

I find it kinda sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you

I find it hard to take

When people run in circles

It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good

Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday

Made to feel the way that every child should

Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous

No one knew me, no one knew me

Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson

Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny

I find it kinda sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you

I find it hard to take

When people run in circles

It's a very, very mad world ... mad world

Enlarging your world

Mad world

Nice song. Kind of sad, even sounds like suicidal. Definitely it is a mad world. I really like the first stanza. Somehow, I can really relate to it. When I was a child, I remembered being taught that a day will come when a man will pass a grave and wished he could trade places with the corpse. That would mean that the end of the world is near. I remembered feeling afraid. Who would want to wish that? Life is a gift. I still do think that life is a gift. Suicides too, are really stupid. An unforgivable sin. But, who could blame them? I believe many people would succumb to it if they have no faith. See, God would not burden you more than you could undertake. Still...run in circles....

On the bright side, I bought the latest video clips of Peterpan Band. ;) going to watch it now. hehheh

Bloody Sunday

2006-02-26T21:39:00.000+08:00

First and foremost: I broke a fingernail. Gasp! Emergency! hahaa. No, it is not an emergency. At least I am not vain enough to think that a broken nail requires the whole world to stop in its tracks and take pity on me. Nor does it require a trip to the manicurist. I am just glad that the broken part is not too deep in the nail or else it will hurt. But it is very short now. Not used to it.

Hmm....How boring my life is that I blog about a broken fingernail.

Other news. 1) My butt muscles still hurt from yesterday's frisbee clinic. 2) I worry too much. I have been having nightmares and dreams of school. A sure sign of stress. Last night I woke up several times in the night and started thinking about softball. I can't wait till thursday. At least the tournaments for this term will be over. I have a week to recover. 3) I hate Sundays. Because it is the day before Monday. Sad, but true. I think schools should be only 4 days and weekends extended to 3 days so that there will be enough time for people like me to recover.

When will it end?

ultimate SOD

2006-02-25T23:44:00.000+08:00

Signed up for ultimate frisbee clinic. Uber fun. First weekend that I did something sporty. I can't remember when I last ran. Think it must be last year's sport's day. My muscles are aching. They got such a rude shock. But it was good. My first step in doing more exercise. Now, the hard part is sustaining the exercise regime. Ok, attend pick ups on weekends. I need someone to push me and encourage me. Maybe I should join a sports class. I seriously think I should rejoin the skating lessons. Sigh...i dont know. I didn't realize that exercising need to think so much. Why can't I just love running?

Oh and you know what? there are so many teachers who joined the frisbee clinic. Oh well, at least we did not talk about school. It is quite funny though that the people who conducted the frisbee classes on wednesdays at school for the primary school kids are the same people who organised the clinic. Goes one big round and how did I find out about the clinic? Through Shape magazine. Sheesh.

Oh man, i have a bruise on my right palm. Lucky it does not hurt that much. Still can hold pen and mark. Darn it! oops, no, I meant I am so happy that I can still use my fingers for marking. Really, really....

I really need this sports activity on the weekends. Stress is creeping in. I keep forgetting things cos there are so many things to do and so little time to do them. Stupid, unproductive meetings that the *beep* *beep* *Beep* .... I don't understand why I have to work over the weekends? I am tired. What is all this bloody hell for? Stupid forms, stupid awards. Who the hell is so clever and come up with the effing stupid awards? So smart. Brilliant. And that award says it is about staff development and welfare. What the f....? Are they insane or are they insane? Depression will soon hit everyone of us. And they wonder why teachers make the bulk of patients in IMH and they wonder why so many leave the service. Obviously there is a problem right? But obviously no one looks into our case. Life just sucks. 1 year 4 months left. I should be able to stick to it that long. Beyond that... stay or not to stay? Next year, I shall know.

sniff..sniff..cough...cough

2006-02-19T20:15:00.000+08:00

I am sick. This is unusual, I didn't fall sick at all last year except at the very end of December. Slight fever, sniffles, the works. Suspicion falls on the 3F epidemic. I knew I was coming down with a bug. I was aching and tired on Thursday and Friday. It is sucky being a teacher because I have to think twice about taking MC. I want to stay home and sleep, but I just can't. I hope this does not get any worse cos I want to be there for my girls and boys during tournament. I dont want them to feel abandoned. Plus I owe them treats. Oh well, if it continues like this, I will just take an MC on Wednesday, but that means i will have to do makeup lessons. Naah, I think I will faint first before I take MC. I am perspiring now. A good sign that my fever is breaking.

I am so behind in my marking. I slept all day and did very little marking. Lesson plans not done and it was only after 7pm that I felt better. Kumars at No. 42 was very funny. Lifted my mood a bit. They had Westlife and Donny Osmond. Hilarious. Ok, going to do lesson plans within1/2 hour. Iron my clothes and take panadol and Vit C and sleep until 5 in the morning. Oh man, I don want to fall sick now.

Recent happenings

2006-02-10T21:28:00.000+08:00

Ok, did the test in Urban and it is confirmed I am not a shopoholic. Phew what a relief! hahaha. In other news, I have started to take the bus to school and then I walked to the school and climb up the Great Staircase of AHS. If I keep it up, I will have sexy calfs. I am getting fat. Can't spare the time to exercise. Boy, do I miss the time when I skated every weekend at least 3 hours each day, plus an hour on weekdays. I had such toned legs and body. Of course, I never really got the nerve to skate as intensively as that after I broke my arm...what a pity. Ok, either I lose the nerves or pick up another sport.

By the way, the EL department became poster people for NE in school. For obvious reasons of course. Shall not elaborate on that.

Okie, weekend is here. More marking.

What has the world come to?

2006-02-03T21:51:00.000+08:00

I have been wanting to post pictures of Peterpan and change my blog layout and design, but there had never been time and I have not been in the mood to do so. Why so? Feeling peeved, disappointed with the world at large. Sad, ashamed, the whole plethora of negative feelings.

Read the papers or listened to the news lately? Nothing very pleasant in it. Danish newspapers printed 12 degrading cartoons of the Prophet. Euro countries backing them up by reprinting these cartoons and citing freedom of speech and democracy. Terrorist groups, bombings, cults and the works.

I am angry with those who misuse religion for their own gains and I pity those who were misguided. I am ashamed when I read articles or news of what my fellow brethren have done to hurt the world. Not ashamed of being a Muslim; I celebrate my Muslim identity; but ashamed at those who caused fear in the name of the religion. There are better ways to get justice, be heard or noticed, whatever it is they want. Lately, this whole cartoon thing has made me really disappointed and angry. No, I dont want to take up arms to show my feelings. I just want to say my piece and be heard.

To uphold freedom of speech and democracy should not be used as a reason to do something that can incite anger, prejudice or discrimination. To my knowledge, democracy has evolved over the ages. In the beginning, democracy was not for the common man nor for the women. Only for the male aristocrats. A far cry from what the ideology has evolved to today. Is it a good sytem of government? Undoubtly, but is it flawed? Yes, very much so. What good is it if it means dividing people into different camps and beliefs? Am I against democracy? Not in my deepest, darkest dreams. I have lived my entire life in this system and I am happy with it. But, have people taken this ideology and cast it in stone and are people so inflexible to realise that perhaps they need to ponder about it for the sake of peace and harmony? Isn't there a better way to make one's points clear without being offensive? And the Arab newspapers with anti-semitic stuff they have published should share the blame for this incident, i believe. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. They should have seen it coming.

Perhaps, I am just idealistic. So much talk about racial harmony these days because of things that happened around the world. School is going very NE. A necessity for my students. They are after all our future leaders. In todays' ST an article entitled Racism - a citizen's apology, Kwek's reactions to the cabby's seditious remarks "Where and how do you begin unravelling such deep-seated prejudices? Whatever the reservations, my silence was a momentary paralysis of civic duty." How I do understand his predicament. Many a times I have felt that way. Let's not keep silent anymore. Let's dispel myth and laugh at stereotypes. Let's learn and teach. Let us all be friends. Let's look for similarities and celebrate differences. Let's treasure peace and harmony above all.

End of all holidays as we know it

2006-02-01T16:48:00.000+08:00

No more holidays until March. How sad. What a terrible 4 day holiday I had. Just marking and marking and lesson planning. Didn't even get to do what I wanted to do. Ok crap. What am I still doing in school at this hour. I can't even mark. I am too tired. Ok, this is it. End of today's entry. Will just go home and continue marking. What a crap life.

A good start

2006-01-08T17:59:00.000+08:00

First entry of the year. Where do I begin? So many things happened since my last entry and today. Ok, just a brief update then. Went to Aceh for a week. Won't blog it cos I can't put the experience to words. Spiritual awakening, I hope it stays.

Then before the school year started, I had a last fling with my friends at KL. It was a most happening and fun new year. It was certainly a good start to the year. I have never done this before. I think I am getting wild. Hahhaa. Going to KL just to watch a band in concert on 1st January. Pure craziness. But it is all worth it. PETERPAN!!!!! Arrrghhhh! I love them. Their songs are brilliant, their performance marvellous. I am wearing the Peterpan t-shirt now. I am so loving this t-shirt. For the uninitiated, Peterpan is not the Tinkerbell, Wendy and the Lost Boys story. They are the coolest and most talented Indonesian band ever. I am so voting for them to win the APM award this year. I am so going to their next concert (please, make it in Singapore, please ,please)

Ariel is so cute. So is Uki, Andika is not bad and the rest are so talented and sweet. Man, I wish I got the t-shirt they threw at the audience. I still can't believe that I went to my first ever concert in my life, in KL no less, and I was in front of the stage. And the best part is, I have never been a groupie, never had gone goo-goo ga-ga over a band before (not even during the NKOTB and Take That period) and now....wow, I can't believe I was so minah and jumping and shouting. Woah, I was (still am?) a groupie. I love PETERPAN!!!!!!!! I am so proud to say that I stood in the rain for 2 hours (we were there at 630, concert started at 830) shivering in the cold, taking in the beauty of the moment just to watch them perform. I love PETERPAN!!!!

I love Peterpan!!!!!!! (to see Peterpan, go to wax lyrical blog - aai has posted pictures of Ariel. Oh man, he is so charming and sexy). Heh, I have Ariel's picture on my desk at school. Every morning I say good morning to him and drool over his cuteness before I start work. He makes my day. heheh. I love Ariel and Peterpan!!!!!!!

going to Aceh...

2005-12-19T23:29:00.000+08:00

Leaving for Aceh in the morning and I am tired even before I leave. The past week had been a flurry of activities and there were so many things to do to prepare for this project. I have never packed so many things in my entire life before. 33 boxes of stuff and almost a tonne of baggage in all. we were stuck in the airport for more than 5 hours because of the excess baggage. there was no more money left from the funds to pay for the 300 plus kilos of excess baggage. We thought we have to fork out our own money but we sent an SOS to someone and that someone managed to raise $1500 in 3 hours. Phew! Lucky we checked in 1 day earlier. Imagine if we checked in tmr morning. We will never leave Singapore.

Oh gosh, I have so many bruises on my knees. After this I am not touching cardboard boxes, bubble wrap and masking tape for at least 5 years.

I hope I will learn many things on this trip. I know I am going there as an educator but I have a feeling that I will be the one educated.

Aceh is packed with foreigners now. All the world's media will focus their attention to Aceh and the other places hit by the Tsunami last year. I jkeep forgetting that and kept imagining Aceh as a quiet place. Not so quiet if many teams are going there.

Ok, pray for my safety and wish me luck.

World of Sports

2005-12-01T22:09:00.000+08:00

Went ice skating and the sports fitness expo after softball today. Seems like today is a day where I can't get away from students no mateer how far away I go. At Fuji Ice Palace, met some sec 3 students. Tried to teach a couple of them how to ice skate but failed miserably cos I don't remember how I was taught to skate. Anyway, they had fun and my skating skills have definitely improved. My backward swivel is nice now. Then at Suntec City met one of my sec 4s working part time.

The sports fitnes expo was kind of disappointing. Too few sports being showcased as very few companies took up a booth. I did get a free check on my spinal stress. Analysis was expected, too much stress on neck and shoulders. Supposed to see a chiropractor next week at a promotional price of $80. But as I left the hall, I feel that I need not see the chiropractor and waste my money, i know why i have stress on my shoulders and neck. The way I sleep, the way I hold my bag.. so I am going to cancel the appointment.

Actually, I would rather spend the money on a manicure at this nail place at suntec city. The mani and pedi that they have sounds so wonderful. Thinking of getting the 1 and 1/2 hr mani or pedi. I think $95 is worth it. I am terrible, aren't I. Think i am quite a snob when it comes to the finer things in life. Eversince I bought the sapphire ring, i refused to even consider semi precious stones. I passed by several jewellery stores and I am very satisfied that my 5 coloured sapphire ring is indeed the nicest. But Lee Hwa just came out with another sapphire ring design that looks so gorgeous. And the sapphire bracelet, simply brilliant. I wish a millionaire would just drop from the sky and marry me so that I can have all the nicest jewellery. Darn it, I am getting too materialistic. Get a grip, girl. How many sapphire rings does a girl need? Plenty actually, but one will suffice and the bracelet is just extravagant.

I looked around for sportswear and found a very nice Nike t-shirt and trackpants. I looked at so many stores but very disappointed by the lack of selection. Actually I need a new pair of running shoes. The current one is falling apart. I think this coming trip to Aceh will it be its last mission anywhere. Also need a new jacket. Been going around forever looking for the perfect shoes and jacket. Very partial to Adidas but the colors are just not nice. Nike and Solomon has nice jacket but I think I shall wait for the post Christmas sale.

ok enough shopping talk. promised myself no more shopping until i start regular exercising and lose weight. Well, if I hold on to the promise, I am going to save a whole lot of money.

Read in TNP about Sea Games and how the host always win the most medals. Pretty normal but he did bring about the idea of the true meaning of the SEA games are lost and that countries only strive for medals. Totally agree with him, but he is not a credible source. He is afterall a disgruntled politician who hates to see his country coming in 2nd. In fact if any other country frets, they are just being biased. It is a catch 22 situation, I think. But getting to my point, i have to agree with Thaksin. I used to love watching the Olympics and the SEA and Commonwealth games. The international friendship and spirit was electrifying, the sportsmanship was great. Now, all these are secondary. Winning is most important. I think, they have missed the point of the games. Any games, any tournament should have an objective more than just winning. Unfortunately, as a teacher in charge of a sport, I know this is not always true. Winning, sometimes/ most times, is everything. Sad...

Pottering around

2005-11-26T00:23:00.000+08:00

So thus ended the 2 day 1 night softball camp. All went well, hopefully no repurcussions and no complaints.
Went to watch Harry Potter after camp with a couple of girlfriends. Colleagues were surprised I still have the energy.. I actually got my appetite back in the morning. Perhaps that is why I have energy. Anyway, I was dying to watch Harry Potter.
Was afraid I will be disappointed with the movie. Reviews and many people said that it was quite a disappointment. I have to disagree with them though. I think those who find it disappointing compared it with the book too much. But the cinematic value is good. Of course, there are some parts where you would not understand unless you have read the book but just one or two parts. The film offered me a different view from how I imagined it to be from reading the book. There are several parts in the film that helped to drive the intended meaning of the author better than what I could infer from the book. Long story short, I enjoyed the movie.

Somebody brought a baby to the movies. The baby cried and talked in some parts of the movie. Not that I was actually bothered but it made me remember Sumiko Tan's recent article about how parents should not bring their children around in public places unless their child can behave. It brought a slew of letters to the Forum page both in agreement and disagreement to her sentiments. Not surprising that those who disagreed with her are parents. Of course most parents are blind to the faults of their own children. I probably be like them someday. I hope I can be rational and sensible and not be like them. The question that popped in my head during the movies: "Who in the right mind would want to bring a baby to watch a 2 and 1/2 hour movie???!!!" Ok, so I sound a bit harsh, but hey, people pay good money to be entertained and we dont really appreciate babies in our midst. Anyway, that is why there are VCDs and DVDs. For people who cannot go to the movies. Come on lah, as parents there are sacrifices to be made. Personal entertainment at the movies is one of them. Or else, send your kids to be looked after by someone else while you are at the movies. Seriously, which 2 or 5 year old child understand Harry Potter? My take on it, if they are too young to understand the book, they are too young to watch it in the movies.

Sleepless in AHS

2005-11-24T22:48:00.000+08:00

11 pm and I am in the teachers' room. Not doing work, fortunately. Just have to be around for the Softball bonding camp. I had every intention to enjoy myself at this camp but I had to fall sick the morning of the camp. Was feverish and I could not eat at all. Arrived in school and threw up all my undigested dinner (disgusting). I couldn't eat anything after that. As of now, I have only eaten a slice of watermelon. Initially I couldn't even hold down water. I want to throw up all the time. I am kind of hungry but the thought of eating makes my stomach queasy and I feel sick.

I was too sick to even cheer for the friendly matches. It seems that opening my mouth will cause me to want to throw up. Both teams won though, good for them. Proud of my gals. Their fielding has improved but base running is poor. They need to be more confident as well. Same goes for the boys. Confidence is key. I have a dream...to break the RI winning streak. Can't we? I hope and I know we could. Or at least get the top 4 positions in all the tournaments and continue to do so for years to come. I don't see why not, though. My B boys are as good as any other top teams. They just need to believe in themselves. My C boys are coming on strong, they will be as good, I am sure. There is a long way still for the girls but they can emerge victorious one day.

Meanwhile, I am impressed with the outcome of this camp. There is still one more day to go and they might just disappoint me, but so far I was happy with what they have planned. Those who planned the camp are good, responsible leaders. Without much guidance, they have managed to make this camp a success, so far. I am really pleased.

It is close to midnight. I have to go check on them. Looks like I wont really be sleeping much tonight. I tried to sleep earlier on cos I was not well. My sleep was always interrupted by phone calls and SMS that I could not sleep for long. Snatches of only 10 to 15 minutes. Oh goodness, I am really sleepy but I need to go and check on them.

2005-11-16T19:27:00.000+08:00

NOTICE OF CLARIFICATION!

It is with great disappointment and agitation that I have to write this notice to clarify what are my duties as teacher during the school holiday period.

It has come to my attention recently that students, fellow peers and ignorant folks out there think that teachers are free during the school holidays to slack and pursue our own interests. Sadly, this is not true. Teachers are not paid to have school holidays. We still have to go to school and work. We have to write reports, meet parents, meet students, invigilate, draw up budget for next year, write proposals, review of the year, have meetings and plan for next year's academic and non academic stuff. These are just some of the things we have to do. The list goes on, believe me.

It is true that we have more leisure time but we are still bogged down by paper work. We need not be physically be in school to work. There is such a thing called email, phone and working from home.

So students who irritate me with "Holidays what, teacher can slack.", do hold your tongue before I give you a piece of my mind. When you do see us in school, do bear in mind that we do not hole ourselves up in the exclusive staff room chained to our chairs and sleep or else have tea parties and gossip. We work very hard and it would be lovely if people do not take teachers for granted and think we are choosing a career that is easy.

Oh, and dear students, do also bear in mind that activities, lessons and resources do not drop from the sky. Teachers plan them and do painstaking research. Also, do remember you can't get everything you want just because you ask for them. Teachers are not given miracles like the prophets and we cannot do wonders all the time (we are human beings, so we also make mistakes like you).

Lastly, spare a thought for teachers. We need a break. So my softballers, while you think you need no break and wish to continue training, spare a thought for your teachers in charge.

There you have it. I tell you teachers are sick and tired of hearing students say we have nothing to do during holidays. If I hear another comment about it, I will really smack that student. Ok, I can't smack them. Not allowed to do so but I can give them a scathing look and a tongue lashing. What is it about teaching that makes people think that it is an easy career? See Boston Public? It doesn't even come close to the things we teachers really have to do and the issues we have to deal with. MTV should really make a reality TV about teachers. See us do marking, teach, plan, coordinate activities, research etc. Why are we thought of as free spirits who have afternoons off for shopping (Ok, I do admit that one of the perks of teaching is that you can avoid crowds and shop in the afternoon) but really most teachers work till late. If the school custodian do not chase us out by 6pm, teachers will probably stay in school till midnight to work. Seriously, we are not highly paid baby sitters either. So people out there change your mindset about teachers. I work really hard and I find it offensive that people make light of my career.

2005-11-12T10:36:00.000+08:00

Read the entire shopoholic books by Sophie Kinsella.. they are positively, briliantly funny. It took me about 2 days to read all the 4 books. My fave has got to be Shopoholic Abroad. "It's on sale...so I am actually saving some $" Honestly, poor logic..but unfortunately it is a logic that most women fall back on when it comes to shopping. Wish I have her life though, someone to help her deal with her shopping problems and debt. Not that I have a shopping problem. But would just love to go on a spending spree...everyday. Wish I have a rich relative who dotes on me and give me money or I won a million dollar lucky draw. Imagine all the shopping I can do. Actually, I probably won't do all that shopping. I probably invest all that money for old age or early retirement. Security first... shopping later. So owning a real Burberry, Prada or LV will remain in my dreams for about forever. Anyway, could buy imitations. No one can tell the difference.

On the bright side, after reading these 4 books and 1 other book, i have increased my readership by (let's see now, 5 /2 * 100 = 250) 250%. woah, that's cool. Now i have time to read. I can even peruse over the newspapers at leisure. There is plenty of work to do left in school but there is enough time for me to slow down and take stock of my life. Read more, for instance. Go take up classes. Exercise ( ok, not really, but it is in my plans ... the weather has not been kind lately. The rain, you know...otherwise, I am just too tired). Well, at least I rediscovered the joys of reading and I am making another one of my childhood dreams come true (shall not say what it is). I have not been watching tv nor switched on my computer for the last 2 days because I was engrossed in reading. Cool huh. Just like the old days when I was still schooling. In my uni days I had to do speed reading...have to read plenty for tutorials. But, well the library in NUS was well stocked with gzilllions and gzillions of interesting books. When I got bored of studying or research, I could go look in the art or design books in the open bookshelves. Or if I was at the restricted Singapore and Malaysian collection, could read all the LAT comic books or read up on fantastic history or people. Read about Imelda Marcos once. Tragic story. Poor Imelda...

Righto, now off to do one of the many activities I have lined up for this holiday.

Pitter..Patter...There goes my heart

2005-11-07T13:14:00.000+08:00

Social Studies 'O' level paper today. I wonder who is more anxious, me or them? Probably me. . Judging by the emails, calls and smses over the weekend, some of them are clearly not prepared for the exams.

Pretty much irritated by these last minute workers. It was my holiday and my weekend, I should not be working. Loads of callers not wishing me a good Hari Raya but plenty to ask me silly question that I think should not be asked in the 11th hour. They should know the answers if they had been listening in class and practised constantly before, during and after the prelim period.

I had nightmares about the O levels. That is how anxious I am for them. Well, good luck to them!

Indulgence

2005-10-31T21:00:00.000+08:00

Had my toenails done today. Got a pedicure, just for fun. I decided to finally join in the mani-pedi craze. It feels so good to be pampered. Now my toenails are all shiny and square. Cuticles all cut away, feet smooth and silky. Can't help but keep looking at my toenails now. They are just so shiny and cute. :)

Think this mani-pedi thing should be a permanant feature in my life. I think i deserve it. Occupational hazards of marking and walking around too much definitely deserves a monthly pampering. Definitely going to use my spa membership too. A shiatsu massage perhaps?

Note for myself: This holiday I am to focus on my well being.

Things to do:
1. Keep fit - Yoga and skating
2. Go for a holiday
3. Learn a new sport
4. Pick up a new hobby ( if there is time, money and interest)

Ok, I think I am all set for the holidays. My plans will go full steam ahead from Monday, 7 November 2005.

To all celebrating Deepavali and Hari Raya Aidilfitri - Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya!
Happy DeepaRaya everyone.

Summary of events

2005-10-24T21:38:00.000+08:00

One of the most delicious food on earth is also a poison. Just ate buah salak (for the life of me, i dont know what this fruit is called in English) all preserved in vinegar. The tangy taste of the fruit combined with the sweet, soury taste of vineagr is oh so delish. But it is oh so not good for me. I am still suffering the consequences. Coughing and wheezing, phlegm coming up. The taste of the delicacy is worth the discomfort. :)

I bought the fruit at the Geylang bazaar. This will be the last year the bazaar will be held at the market. They are going to pull it down soon. Felt nostalgic going through the market, visiting my fave shops. Going to miss all the shops there (esp the one with the cute Indian shopkeeper who looks like a Bollywood actor. Hahaha). The market may be dingy and it doesn't look so clean but it is so colourful and authentic. It exists on its own socio-political-economical cosmos of its own. It is one of the unique vastiges of Singapore that is left and the government has to take it away. Fire hazard, they say...is it though...? Never mind, I should go down to the bazaar again and take pictures of it. The colours of the bazaar in the Geylang market.

eh, just realised that I went through the bazaar everyday since Saturday. Everytime for different reasons. Sat and Sun I went to the bazaar to buy things for the orphans at Pertapis Children's Home. We made quite a bargain. Bought bags, watches and some other stuff at really, really low prices. Of course most of the time Feisal has the sad look on his face that most people cannot resist and so they are compelled to give us cheap prices. hahah. Anyway, it was all for the children. Actually, most people are willing to help us out . Mention orphans and they do not mind selling us their goods at rock bottom prices.

The children at Pertapis are really very sweet kids but very difficult to manage. For a fleeting moment I felt I was like in 4G or 4B. The only difference is that I can scold my students but i cant scold these kids. But, there was no need for scoldings, these are a bunch of very sensitive kids from broken homes. So love and care are much better. We did make their day. They had fun playing all our games and of course they loved our goody bags and the hari raya money! But Ustaz Nazmi did gently remind us that one day of fun and games is all well and good but some of the kids will not be spending Hari Raya with their family and are staying in the home.... sad. He did ask us that if we could, we should try to come down again on the eve or on Hari Raya itself and spend some time with the kids. I was awed at his dedication to the welfare of the kids. He is such a soft spoken and gentle person and he spend all his time in the home. He himself won't be celebrating the Hari Raya with his family as he has to take care of the kids in the home. Such dedication is very admirable.

Quite an emo weekend, really. Started on friday with the sec 4s graduation ceremony. Not sad, but proud. How they have grown since I took them last year and they are all ready to leave. Spread their wings, fly away and find their way into the world and make their mark. Such characters, each and every one of them. I will miss all of them. The thinsg they do that just crack me up... I do hope that in some tiny way I have made a difference in their lives. And if one day any of them become famous, I could bask in their glory and tell people: S/he was my student once. heh, such thoughts....I suspect this is the feeling that all teachers talk about when they say teaching is rewarding. (the pay and the hours do suck, and well our HR is lousy. I really should not be complaining ... )

who says kindness pays?

2005-10-19T18:06:00.000+08:00

So what do you know... the world is indeed a strange one. Ever tried to be kind and get scolded for doing so? I am still reeling from the scolding. I mean, I was just trying to be kind. So, perhaps it was wrong because of specific reasons unknown to me. So, it is still not my fault. Sometimes, it is a lose-lose situation. You help, you are in the wrong and who knows if I did not help, I would still be in the wrong. Totally understand the reasons for not helping...after I was told about it. I still think I should not be scolded for it. The reasons could have been told to me nicely and after all how was I to know your reasons in the first place.

I try very hard but if it is never good enough, then what the --- am I suppose to do. Maybe, I should practice showing my emotions. Hurt, anger, disappointment, displeasure, then maybe they will think twice about scolding me unnecessarily. But, It is just not in my nature to do so. Talk about welfare and consideration for others. Where is my welfare? where is your consideration for me? So hurt and angry that I just want to swear.

Maybe I should just see a shrink to talk about my bottled up feelings and thoughts...

Around the world (S'pore) we go

2005-10-16T02:32:00.000+08:00

Let's face it, we gals rock the world when we get together. Planning things are so much fun. Amazing how we achieve so much amidst all the giggles, side tracks and interruptions. But, we did. Heh, we are just seasoned volunteers. Most people will panic when nothing is finalised the week before the event, but not us. Cool as cucumbers, actually, more like noisy and giggly bunch of .... err... I think nothing is comparable to us.

So to make things funner, we went to Giant at Turf City to buy our prizes. We could have gone to shop and save at Sing Post building or Sheng Siong at the corner, but where is the fun in that? Then we went to Cheese Prata shop at Clementi, at the foot of NUS to eat prata and roti john for the fun of it.

Now, whoever heard of ordering roti john chicken cheese BUT cheese on one side only. Why? Cos Chilliz don't eat cheese. Well, we did. Heh, first time i suppose they get weird orders. Think the family beside us was scandalised by the noise we made. And the very innocent line on the menu that go us all laughing for 5 minutes. We were so naughty ... heh heh. Cheeky gals.... :)

the Ups of life

2005-10-10T21:42:00.000+08:00

Life is really like an undulating river. There are times when things get so depressing and the next moment, a series of events happen that just make you love the world.

Went shopping last Friday. I really cannot afford to spend but I went shopping on behalf of my mother. I was supposed to buy my nephews clothes and stuff for my mum. So I went shopping using my mum's money. Bought plenty of stuff for them. It feels good to go shopping, and it feels even better when I am not using my own money. in all fairness, none (except one- and I used my one money) was for me. Boy, kids clothes are really expensive. I have bought my nephews clothes many times now but it never fails to amaze me how much they cost. But what do I care? Shopping is great fun. Maybe, when I want to quit teaching I should be a personal shopper. It gives me an all time high that not even chocolates can provide. I was so engrossed in shopping i lost track of time and missed the break fast time. Reached home at 7 plus and my mum and I excitedly pored over the things I bought for her and my nephews. Gushing over the beautiful things I bought gave me another high. (Why do people turn to drugs or sniff glue when shopping gives one such a high)

Saw this sapphire ring at Lee Hwa. Very tempted to buy. Giving my self some more time to think about buying that ring. It is incredibly gorgeous.

Saturday slept until 2. Felt very lethargic after that. Can't even play with my nephews. Sunday I went trigger happy and keep taking photos of my cats. See some of his photos:
http://www.shahnan.com/gallery2/main.php

School was quite fun today. Very extraordinary. Some students said it was cool. staff room got flooded. Water cooler pipe in the lounge burst on Sunday evening. Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink....who wants to anyway? Lucky only some of my students compo books got wet and I had to throw away a few of 3A's history project. We had to do some impromptu spring cleaning and throw away damaged stuff. Lucky I dont have much stuff under the desk. All my mess are on the desk.

Practically did not do much apart from the cleaning up so I went home early. When I crossed the road towards the petrol station, I heard someone saying hello to me. I turned and I saw this Mat with yellow hair waving and saying hello. Much confused and amused, I walked on. Undeterred, he called out again, so I replied with a smile and a wave. A tall wall seperates this romeo and myself, but he somehow managed to stand on top of something so that he can call out to me. He asked for my phone number and asked to be friends. Very amused by now, I thought i have passed the age where boys and girls do casual flirting like this. I shook my head to his questions, but i really do feel like laughing. He doesn't sound so disappointed though, it was more of a fun conquest for him.

So, it was a happy 4 days. I just have to remind myself that things dont remain happy always. Life is tough, especially working life. At least I have the holidays to look forward to.

Found! A cure for imsomniacs!

2005-09-27T12:51:00.000+08:00

I have found the cure to imsomnia: marking! It is true. Seriously folks, if you have insomnia, just go to any one of your teacher friends and offer them your help. You not only benefit yourself by getting the well deserved sleep you need but you are also reliefing the burden of your teacher friends. However, to get the best cure, you must not just get any subjects for marking. Choose, for instance, subjects like English and Humanities. These are the best cures. The repetitive essays, structured and source based answers will put you to sleep instantly. If not, I guarantee by the 15th or 20th script, you will be in dreamland. Trust me, I have felt the power of marking. I had enough of it that by looking at one exam script I will feel sleepy. So, step right up for your cures now.

(FYI: Next post will be after I finish end of year exam marking and perhaps when O levels have started.)

Are we tolerant enough?

2005-09-17T12:20:00.000+08:00

Went into sleep mode immediately upon reaching home. Very tired yesterday. Slept a good 12 hours and I was awoken by this news:
YET another blogger was hauled to court yesterday for posting allegedly racist remarks online - the third person charged under the Sedition Act this week. Seventeen-year-old private school student Gan Huai Shi is accused of promoting ill will and hostility among different races through comments on his blog.
Straits Times - 17/09/05
A 17 year old with so much hatred in him. When I read the news, I felt justice was served, after all, I read his blog and I was angered by his entries. But I felt pity for him. Pity that he habours so much hatred - how does one become so racist? Certainly it is not a genetic defect. One wonders ....
How would my students fare if there is a test on being tolerant? I wonder what are their thoughts on this issue? One thing I note, they have to learn to be more tactful. I do hope that their interactions with me has been of some use and educational. At least, hopefully, they do know more than my standard joke that underneath the scarf I am bald (sometimes, I say I have purple hair), have no ears nor neck and that I don't get a heat stroke despite wearing long sleeves and pants plus scarf under the hot sun.
My take on it: Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but to incite intolerance and ill will is bad. To talk about it and discuss it and learn more to dispel myths, sterotypes and to encourage understanding would be great. You know, everyone should have a good dose of Russel Peters and learn to laugh at themselves and streotypes and then watch "American History X" and then do a discussion on the futility of hate and intolerance. (Of course, the immature students would just misuse Russel Peters and concoct more Fat Mama jokes during training or think it is alright to tell me degratory racist jokes.)
Problem is, it is a slippery issue. Talk all we want till the cows come home, but something more has to be done about this.

What the ...?

2005-09-13T10:46:00.000+08:00

Feeling very abandoned at the moment. I don't think I am cut out for this. Am I even cut out for anything? I am so questioning my life and choices now. A horrid day, stupid me, mistakes made. I am not liking my life at this moment.

Lesson learnt: very valuable. hate being put in a spot. I am too nice, I think, to people. So I expect people to be nice to me. Then I get so upset when they don't because I don't deserve it. I didn't do anything to deserve that treatment. I know where I went wrong but I dont think I deserve it like that, no matter who you are. I should be meaner, then when someone treat me in that way I would expect it. Tit for tat, right?

I am so hurt to the core.

The value of friendship

2005-09-04T15:14:00.000+08:00

I met Mai this morning at Mc's. We had a nice talk. It is rare to meet her these days cos she has betrayed us easterners and she is now living on the other side of Singapore. Haha haa, Eastern redneck and proud of it. Meeting her just now reinforced my idea of friendship. This has been on my mind for some time now. How much do you value friendship? What does one mean when one is a friend?

See, friendship needs work. Like in any relationship, one needs to work on it. Build bonds, make memories together, share gossip and communicate. I don't understand it when someone told me we will be friends and then guess what, nothing from that person. Do you value your friendship, then?

Amongst my TKAmazons, Sohabahs and other friends we don't meet up as often as we should or like nor do we communicate that often, but see we drop emails, simple SMSes to say hello. Something, anything to tell our friends, 'hey you, U ok there? I am ok and look you are special to me cos we are friends.'

Oh crap... we all have different lives now, careers take up 90% of our time and then family and what nots, sure very little time left for friends. I so do understand. "X is busy. Work is tough, u know. That's why X has not been keeping in contact." Bullshit! Everybody is busy and don't talk to me about being busy. I am busy too. Teaching does not stop when the bell goes at 245. I am stressed and busy that I even dream of working at night. And my friends who do keep in touch are also busy, busy ppl too. That person is not the only busy person around. Hey, we all can keep in touch. It does not take 10 mins to SMS or drop an email.

Well, I give up! Here is an eulogy to X:

X, we were friends. We had good times, we shared a lot and I truly enjoyed our conversations. X was funny, fun and interesting to be with. Things happened and we had a falling out. My fault, I know. But we promised to remain friends. But X did not keep X's end of the promise. I was disappointed. X, I tried, you know I did. So X, goodbye. I will stop trying. X was missed, but now no longer.

blast to the past

2005-09-03T19:11:00.000+08:00

Interesting day - today seems like I stepped back into the past when I was still actively volunteering. Interfaith forum at Furama (former Novotel Apollo) hotel. Basically, doing mindless adhoc logistics, secretariat job and enjoying myself with my friends and meeting new ppl and eating free and good food. hehe

Nazry and Nazirah are still in the honeymoon period. Sweet in the beginning but they got neauseating and we felt very arkward. Haha. Oooh and this hotel manager was kind of cute. I noticed and so did my friends that he seemed to be checking me out. Was flattered. Heh heh.

The rest of the day was spent in just lounging around and ushering ppl and eating. Basiclaly it went like this:

7a.m: Breakfast at Mc's. HAd Big Breakfast
8-9 am: Lounge around at the Sofa while waiting for Darul staff to arrive.
9-10: Set up registration booth, free pubs and stuff and then suhered ppl in to teh ballroom.
10: Second and third breakfast - hotel food and half a filet fish and suusage egg mc muffin from Mcs that Mahdi bought for us.
11- 12.30: lounged around and had a good time talking away.
12.30-2: Lunch. Food from Kintamani Restaurant. Ate a lot, got very sleepy.
2-2.30: sat at the sofa and fell asleep
2.30- 3: went to the hotel pool because it was so cold in the ballroom.
3-3.30: lounged at the prayer area and started clearing up a bit.
3.30-4: Ate leftover hotcakes from Mcs
4-4.30: cleared the main stuff.
4.30: went home and slept until 6 (sleep was interrupted cos Hejun finally sms me :p)

Gosh! I ate a lot and practically did nothing. It really felt like it was a blast from the past. Sure our conversations are now more matured, politics, work, marriage, sex, but for this one day I felt so free from worries and I did not feel so burdened by responsibilities and work. It was just fun and laughter and catching up with friends. No stress.

We did something fun at the end when all the participants left. We collected all the writing material - writing paper and pen- and all the sweets the hotel provided in one box. I took home 3 pens and a bowlful of sweets. hehee.

7 things

2005-09-01T00:48:00.000+08:00

Just got home from teachers' day dinner. It was fun, retro and all. Played 2 games of pool after that. 2nd time in my life I played the game. I like the game but need loads of practice if I want to be good at it. The last time I played it was years ago when I was still in uni. And that was with my ex. Ok, well, I can use the TEN to brush up on my skills. :)

Anyway, I had to go home after that cos it was past midnight and my very conservative parents won't sleep if I dont go home. You can't educate your child and get them exposed to all sorts of cultures, values and ideas and expect them to live by your old fashioned principles. Seriously, the least they could do is know the world I am living in. "Karaoke is a bad influence, don't you dare go karaokeing." (Roll eyes) Principal and VP was karaokeing too, dear mum and dad. Bet they would just collapse if they knew I was playing pool in a smoky lounge and was the only gal in our group of 5. Shhh...don't tell them. Sigh...my parents. Got to accept them cos they are the only set of parents I have. Conservative as they are and ridiculous it seems that at my age I have to follow a set of rules that are outmoded, I won't rebel against them. Cos I was brought up to be a good girl and I love my parents unconditionally. They have my best interest at heart even though their rules and mindset frustrate me. I grew up fine; just zany, crazy, loud, adventure seeking and far from being the domesticated, soft, obedient and typical young Malay woman that my parents aspire me to be; so they must be doing something right.

But, in the end, I am just a repressed person underneath all that calm exterior. The wild streak is yearning to get out. Perhaps one day when I could do all what I want to do, by then my spirit would have died and I become typical. I hate being typical. All my life I fight against being typical and I am just so afraid I will end up being like one of those average typical Minah Janes out there. I just want to be me but it is funny, ironic even having your parents saying when you are a child : "when you grow up, you can be whatever you want to be." You can be anything but yourself, because what you are is dictated by what one's family and society expects you to be. I am something else to everybody else, but I am seldom ever me nowadays. I am beginning to lose touch with who I am these days.

Fee, Fie, Fo, Fum ...

Okie, here are seven things that aai asked me to do, not in random order:

seven things that scare me:
1. not obeying Him
2. scary movies - incredible tales included
3. not being able to provide for my family
4. being lonely and unloved - including losing those I love
5. being seen as irresponsible and incompetent
6. losing myself
7. no security for my future

seven things I like the most
1. knowing that He is always with me
2. chocolates
3. going out with someone who I am comfy with and have the same wavelength as me. Read: opposite gender.
4. cats - they lead uncomplicated lives
5. daydreaming
6. the scent of freshly cut grass/ the forest after a rain
7. walking on dewy grass in the early morning

seven most important things in my room
1. my bed
2. my pc
3. my drawer with all my important documents
4. my 4 door cupboard brimming with my clothes and bags
5. my Aussino bedsheets, especially the embroidered or exclusive ones
6. my junk - things that don't fall into any category but they are there for some reason.
7. my mirror

seven random facts about me
1. I am untidy but my mess are organized mess
2. I like sports -
3. I am most vulnerable and emotional when I am PMStic and I cry when nobody is around.
4. I am incurable romantic
5. I talk to cats
6. I hate doing household chores
7. I am terribly competitive - play to win

seven things I would like to do before I die
1. complete all the articles of faith
2. repent and don't make the same mistakes again
3. Get married and have at least 3 children - one set of twins would be nice :)
4. travel more
5. further my studies outside Singapore
6. be a good wife and mother
7. do more adventurous stuff like bungee jump, etc.

seven things I can't do
1. maths
2. split myself into 2 so that I can attend softball and remedial at the same time
3. drive
4. understand why girls can be so bitchy when I am a girl myself
5. understand why girls always give the excuse of being the weaker sex just because they fail to get things done right
6. travel during non peak period
7. remain slim without exercising

seven things I say the most
1. whatever
2. rubbish
3. you people are very mean, you know
4. okie, moving on
5. Good morning/afternoon class
6. Thank you class
7. huh?

seven celeb crushes
1. Jude Law
2. ewan mcgregor
3. The guy who played in LOTR - not orlando, Liv Tyler's lover (it is 2 in the morning, can't think)
4. Spiderman - both the character and the actor whostarred in the movie
5. Christian Bale
6. Nick in CSI Las Vegas :)
7. Brad Pitt

seven ppl who have to do this
Anybody interested can do this. I dont care for chain mails. I did this cos it was fun at first and I must finish what I started. Phew! all done.

Big picture

2005-08-30T22:29:00.000+08:00

Spent 5 hours in Chem lab 2 today. Invigilated the chem prac. 3 sessions worth of the same chem prac. I thought it would be the normal invigilation but when my first session started, I realize it won't be like any normal invigilation. Firstly, I have no idea what to do and secondly, I have no clue what they are asking for. The last time I stepped into a chem lab was 11 years ago. One student inquired for a conical flask and I was bewildered for a moment. What the heck is a conical flask? Lucky the lab assitants were there. Chem prac was pretty interesting. I used to hate chem prac. I dropped chem in sec 4 because of the practical.

Today, I had to do the one thing I hate most in teaching. Be the adult and be responsible when in my heart all I want to do is let my students have fun and join in with them. I had to chase my softballers out of school right after training. I forbade then from playing bball in the courts or stadium. I chased and followed the C div out of school. Seriously, i even threatened them with demerit points. Sigh... I hate being responsible in this manner.
Seriously, i see no harm in letting them stay in school. They are nice kids and I trust them. Some naughty and mischievous but they won't harm anybody. However, I do see the other side of the issue as well. Kids might get into trouble and all, parents complain, kids may be nice but they might get into accidents and who knows what else. So, while I would like to be a rebel and fight slongside my students but I do see the big picture.
Of course, I do not expect students to understand, I wasn't that understanding when I was a teenager. I did not see the rationale behind rules, I saw my teachers as old fashioned sticklers for rules, I did not see the constraints, I only saw the infinite possibilities that youth and energy can provide.
Okie, so i have to curb my inner fun loving me and be responsible. That sucks, but that is what I am paid for. Anyway, it is high time I behave like an adult instead of a teenager. Ok, at least I have to behave like a teacher in school. Dont have to be one when I am not with my students. Being responsible is just yucky.

Day of the Amazons

2005-08-28T22:29:00.000+08:00

Su got married yesterday. Didn't go for her solemnisation cos was too sick and tired. Went for the wedding today. She looked very pretty. Mulyan looked so sweet. Very happy for them. Glad she finally found someone who can take care of her well.

3rd one in the squad to get married. And a TKAmazon baby coming in November. A girl too. 13 years later, maybe, she could be 2nd generation TKAmazon. Heh heh.

Shuling brought her 'boy' in tow. He is not bad looking. Must be pretty serious that she brought him to meet us. Too bad she had to flee or else we would have grind her for details. After the wedding, the 5 happening and gorgeous single ladies (Wanzhen, Suxian, Christine, Farhana and me) sat at Deli Bistro for desert and we had such a great time. We moaned about our jobs and how we have no social lives at all. Very unexciting lives we lead cos we are so bogged down with work.

It is refreshing to meet the squaddies after so long. Must meet again soon, perhaps during the Sept hols or at the very latest when Azian decides to pop in November. :)

What a day!

2005-08-13T21:27:00.000+08:00

Zombified. Tired.

Itenary for the day:

6.30: woke up
8 - 12: Pulau Ubin, nature walk at Sensory Trail
12-2: Home, Lunch Rice with sambal goreng
2-3.15: Eee Chiew's function: Had rice and all sorts of stuff.
3.30-4.45: Cousin's place, pre wedding preps- had rice and all sorts of stuff
4.45 - 7.30: Early dinner at Sofra - had Shish Kebab with Turkish lentils and rice
7.30 - 8.30: Prayers and head for home.

Gosh, it seems between 1.15 and 7, I practically did not stop eating. When I went to my cuz's place, I was already very full. But, the food looks so delicious. And my aunts and grand aunts are such great cooks, how can I miss their food? I think i can still down some more food. Maybe I should eat the mooncakes now. Or maybe I shall not be a glutton and I should stop eating. Enough eating for the day. Tmr can continue. He heehe

I told my aunties about my students and their antics at Ubin this morning. Singapore indeed is a fine city for apparently my students have never seen mosquitoes and ants. They were more preoccupied with the mozzies and ants than listening to the nature guide. And then complain, complain and complain. Sheesh. Pampered and weak. Haha haa (of course they would deny this). We had a good laugh.

I finally bought a Crumpler. Small but it is still a Crumpler. I am just too tired to write anything else. It had been a very good day.

Blogging - Public or private?

2005-08-07T13:45:00.000+08:00

Just watched a Malay debate on TV. VJC vs. Madrasah Wak Tanjong. Madrasah Wak Tanjong won the debate this year. They are good, in fact all the 6 debaters were very good. The issue is about blogging and VJC argued that it is a private thing whereas Madrasah Wak Tanjong argued that it is not private.

Funny when it comes to the internet, a lot of things fall in the grey area. Blogging for instance, can be considered a private realm and yet it is not private because the public can read your blog. Juxtapose blogs with traditional diaries and you see what I mean. So, it is a grey area and new laws and policies have to be invented constantly when dealing with internet. Copyrights, censorship, hacking, peer sharing, etc.

Let's talk about blogs a bit. People use blogs for a variety of reasons: personal, commercial, political, etc. Ask for help even. It all comes down to intentions. Sarong Party Girl posted her nude pictures up to gain popularity, I suppose. A Japanese lady used her blog to ask for help in her search for her runaway child. The Chinese government has a law that do not allow Chinese citizens to use words such as Democracy - shows one the power of a blog. So a blog can be powerful.

So what am I leading to? A friend sent me a link to a blog, a very disgusting blog. I was angry, upset and disappointed after reading that blog. A Singaporean made slanderous and racial remarks about a certain race in Singapore. He made unjust and unwise accusations and presumptions about a couple of religions and religious organisations in Singapore. The remarks were very malicious. I could say he is an ignorant and immature fool, but the fact remains that his blog is still out there. He receives a lot of hate tag and comments, but, I believe that is what he wants. To create waves and be noticed. It is very worrying, because his blogs are very malicious and that if there are enough people who support him, it can incite racial tension.

His taggers, be it out of hate or support, challenge him to do something about his convictions. But, do we really want that? He has put in one of his posts that he would like to be a sniper and kill someone important. In Singapore? How to get a gun, much less a sniper gun? What if he went into NS or if he signed up to be a regular? What if he could get access to such weapons? Should we just rule out all possibilities and say that it is just ramblings of a lunatic?

So what can we do? His blog is his private thoughts but if he can cause such reactions, wouldn't it be worthwhile to notice who this guy is? Hitler was seen as rambling fool that no one liked, but he made use of opportunities that helped him rise into power as a dictator. Perhaps, we should not overlook such things. Not in this day and age. I made a formal complaint to Blogger. I hope his blog gets shut down. Meanwhile, I will monitor his blogs. If the authorities could investigate the cases of scholars who made slanderous or unkind racial remarks earlier this year, I don't see why they could not do so with this guy. I am so going to do something about this.

Endorphins - the lack of it

2005-08-05T18:06:00.000+08:00

My last day of MC. Went to the doctor in the early morning. Waited for 2 hours to see her and she saw me for less than 5 minutes. Just to take off my bandages and give advice and said we need to have a follow up in 6 months time. Good news is that the diagnosis shows it is not cancer. Ho hum...

Reliefed it is not cancer, yes but I can't help but be a bit blue. All of AHS was at East Coast Park and I was at SGH. I wanted to be at ECP too. I wanted to run the 2.4 and then do breakfast and then cycle/skate. I can't, however. I run the risk of sounding childish here, but I can't help how I felt. I have been looking forward to the cross country since last year. I wanted to run the 2.4 and improve on my timing. I even set goals for myself. I was aiming for silver or if I can, gold. How disappointing that i can't go. I remembered I was quite upset after the surgery when the nurse told me my next appointment was today.

The conversation went something like this: (remember, I jsut woke up from surgery. My head is still in a flux)
"ok, zarinah, ur next appointment is on the 5th, next friday."
"Cannot, have 2.4. x-country." Silence...
"But this appointment is to remove ur bandages."
"oh, but I have 2.4."
Nurse looked a bit puzzled here.
"School event, I want to run."
"You want to run?"
"Yes. So can change the appointment?"
"Cannot because the clinic is only open on friday mornings and there is no other time that u can go"
"So that means I can't run?"
"I dont think you should run 2.4. You just had a surgery. your stitches need to heal."
"But I want to run."
"you can't run."
"Oh, that means I can't run during my MC?"
"You can't." And she makes me sign a form and clearly points out the clause that says No vigorous exercise. Darn it.

Anyway, i was just not happy that people are having fun at ECP and I was not. They have no business to. I am sounding so like a spoilt brat. The inner child taking over. :)

But, after that I decided to make myself happy. But I can't decide where to go after SGH. I was toying either Suntec City or just go around Chinatown. I spent too much time mulling over it, that I got tired. So i decided to just go to Paya Lebar and drop off the overdue coupons at MCAS - DA. I got unhappier by the minute and I decided that I should go down to Singpost and buy myself stationery. Stationery shopping always makes me happy. I like new stationery, new notbooks, cute magnets and paperclips. I don't need them, but they are nice to own. :-)But Popular there was dismal. I didn't buy anything that could help me. So, I thought that I need to release endorphins into my system and one can only do that via exercise or eating chocolates (I lack exercise, i think, that's why not enuf endorphins to make me happy.). So I went to NTUC and bought myself chocolates and other kinds of junk food. So now there are endorphins in me, and I am relatively happy. I got over my disappointment. There is always next year. I still have to wait for about a week more before I can do any exercise, but I will be at school, so that won't be so bad.

I never thought I would say this, but I do miss all my students. But, I have 2 more days to enjoy and be the carefree, young and slightly reckless and bimbotic me before I turn myself into the no-nonsense, follow the rules, listen to me or else ... teacher.

Oompa Loompas

2005-08-04T22:48:00.000+08:00

Went to school for a while today to do some admin stuff. Dodged some students. Don't want to see them yet today. Then, I went out with Yati to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. At Shaw House. Big theatre and being a Thursday afternoon, there was less than 10 of us in the entire place. It was cool. The last time that happened to me was back in NUS and we watched One Night In McCool's (RA) and that was before I turned 21.

I felt like a kid again. Watching CCF and eating free popcorn and nachos. But CCF is a fun show. Love the Oompa Loompas. Changed the story a bit, though. It was very Tim Burton. Quite funny plus the dark undertones of Willy Wonka as an unloved child. I want to work in his factory. I fell in love with the Waterfall and the meadow. oh oh, you can break out into a dance and a song when you are working. Hahaha. How cool is that? But, the movie is a tad too long and slow moving. But, I love it!

I was looking through Suxian's blog and she worte abt this theory of 'quota of words'. Let me quote her 'Apparently, men and women have a quota of words everyday, but women has a higher quota. In the olden days, men go out to work and women stay at home to look after the house. Men use up most of the quota of words at work, while women talks to no one at home. And when the men returns home, the women wanting to use their quota of words, begin talking incessantly to the men, and is deemed as nagging by men!' I found this rather interesting because she was complaining abt not talking enough. I totally agree with this theory because stuck at home means I have no one to talk to. And I was bored because I needed someone to talk to. Really. I just needed to use my quota. So i have not, and that bothered me for the past week. And I was kind of mean and naughty cos I picked on my students on MSN and I teased them mercilessly. Mercilessly, yes I did. Apologies ... I am mean, I know.

What about me?

2005-08-02T23:03:00.000+08:00

Suxian said to me yesterday that the heading or my blog sounds depressing - Phlegmatic, Sanguine, Melancholic. Not really. It does not suppose to convey feelings. It is a statement of my personality tupe. I did a personality test over the hols and this is what I came up with. Just a bit of an explanation:

My dominant personality is Phlegmatic and less dominant ones are sanguine and melancholic. So what are these personality types all about? Just listing some of the personality traits ...

Phlegmatics are:
Low-key personality - yeah, esp to people I just met
Easygoing and relaxed - yupps, that's me
Calm, cool and collected - that's what a lot of people say abt me
Patient, well balanced - I guess so
Keep emotions hidden - Oh yeah, very true, this one
All-purpose person - I am a teacher, what do you think?
Makes a good parent - I hope to be one ;)
Doesn't get upset too easily - quite true, yeah kids, sometimes in class, it is all an act. But u never know dont u. So don't push it.
Peaceful and agreeable - "I am ok with anything"
Avoids conflicts - guilty as charged
Good under pressure - I always work best with a deadline and stress
Easy to get along with - Heey ...who am I to say that abt myself. hahaha
Good listener - Anyone has anything to say abt this one... :)
Enjoys watching people - yeah, I do. Esp when teenagers start kissing and groping in the MRT. Hey, they want to do it in public obviously they want people to watch...

Sanguines are ...:
Talkative - can be. Teachers used to write "she needs to talk less..."
Memory for colour - yeah, right on. Colours are my life.
Emotional and demonstrative - I can be a bit of a drama. Ok, ok, a lot drama.
Enthusiastic and expressive - Always the first to sign up for something new and exciting back in school. I use my hands a lot when I talk...
Cheerful and bubbling over - love cheerleading.
Curious - As a cat :)
Good on stage - class counts?
Wide eyed and innocent - I got out of this habit when I discovered feminism. But, it does resurface sometimes, esp when I want something. The bimbo comes out occassionally ... Ok a lot but i manage to hide her. Wide eyed and innocent is not a good trait in a teacher.
Always a child - Very difficult to suppress this one when I am in school.
Thrives on compliments - who doesn't?
Doesn't hold grudges - Life is too short. Live for the moment.

Melancholic
Deep and thoughtful - What is life? What is good and evil? Heaven and hell? :)
Serious and purposeful - serious when there is a purpose, so yes.
Genius prone - I like this one. A nobel prize awaits me in the future. Haha
Appreciative of beauty - yeah, man. Everything is beautiful, you just need to look for it.
Philosophical and poetic - See deep and thoughtful> I did very well in Philosophy 1102 - God and Religion, I think it's called.
Sensitive to others - ooooh yes.
Self - sacrificing - Not all the time
Conscientious - very
Idealistic - I have a lot of dreams...

That are some of my characteristics. Funny though, I believe I used to be a dominant Sanguine when I was younger but I think I had developed to become a Phlegmatic over the past 5 years or so. Strong desire to be less drama I think....

And, I am Golden - that's what my name means in Arabic.

In Russian, however, Czarina means Queen. Long live the Queen, the Golden one.

Queen Golden signing off ... too much time on her hands. :)

Pictures

2005-07-31T14:47:00.000+08:00

Found pictures of my river rafting experience. It is fun. If anyone wants to go, I recommend it. :)

These are my friends I went with to Sungai Tampak, Perak. Nurul, NAdz, Azlee, Andy, Ruf, Myself, Ruf's sis (can't seem to remember her name) and Nor.

This is us being gung ho before the actually rafting. We had to carry our own rafts to the river below.

Stuck at a rapid.

The end of the rafting. All in one piece. Happy and grinning. 10km of hard paddling. Arms sore.

My certificate. Ain't that cool. :)

Bored

2005-07-30T17:17:00.000+08:00

So bored. I thought I could enjoy the MCs but this is sheer boredom. What good is a break from school when I can't do anything? This is so sad. A Saturday and I spent my day watching TV. At least LOST is good. But after 5 hours of the series, it is just too much tv. I need to run, play ball, skate or do something. Something that gets the heart pumping and adrenalin rushing. I know, I know, no vigorous exercise, yadda, yadda yadda...

What can a gal do? There is only so much tv watching and book reading I can do before I permanantly get lost in the world of imagination and escapism. Even then, I get a headache when I leave reality behind far too long. Sleep, too much. I am tired of sleeping. I get daymares and it just means that it is not a proper sleep and I wake up grouchy and moody. Then at night, I can't sleep.

Sheesh! so much energy but can't use it. Everybody's asleep in the house. It is so quiet. EEEEKS! I just want to scream. Why can't they give me drugs or something that makes me drowsy and forces me to sleep most of the time. At least they can be sure I won't do anything vigorous. I am going crazy. How long does it take for stitches to get healed anyway. I am sure it is healed already. Sigh, double sigh, triple sigh...this is torture.

Maybe I should plan what I am going to do for the rest of the year. I read in Shape magazine that if the ring finger is longer than the index finger, it means that one is a better driver. This is due to the level of testosterone that one has at birth...or something along that line. Well, my ring fingers are longer than my index fingers. Maybe that should renew my faith to take up driving sometime at the end of the year. That would make a whole lot of people happy. Why they bother about me and driving, I am not too sure. But, I highly doubt that i will take up driving. I will just panic on the road or something and plus I do so enjoy being driven.

Oh god, I am just rambling on about unrelated stuff. This is majorly boring. It is times like this that I am starting to think that my aunts do have a point. It is time I find me a man. At least I have someone to talk to when I am bored, angry, moody or whatever. Okie, this is X rated for all my students. R(A) 21. So scoot, no more reading. Go on, read and I will make your life miserable. Last warning....Oh heck... this is my space. I have to get back to the dating scene soon. Oh help, that would not be so easy. Malay men are just so ... so .. so ... what's the word, oh yeah, typical and boring. Of course, Sohabahs excluded. :) Typically boring. What happened to vision-mission men? They are not interested in marriage and I think they are not interested in malay gals. Ay, that's the rub. A string of family weddings coming up pretty soon. My cousins are marrying gals who are younger than me. A younger gal cousin is getting married in December. Nagging aunts galore. Heehhee. At least they are concerned, adorable aunts. :) Hah! maybe I could spend the rest of my medical leave planning on how to meet guys. That would be a blast! NOT! :/

Maybe I should just break the rules and go skating....

My boys

2005-07-27T23:24:00.000+08:00

Went to watch the C boys softball match at Montfort. There, I realized the wisdom of taking MCs seriously. At home, I am all alert and perky but outside it took a whole lot of energy just to be normal. Quite woozy, fluey, slower and my stitches do hurt.

But, it was all worth it. My boys may have lost and it is the end of nationals for them, but they played well. They fought well from the beginning to the end.

I am immensely proud of them.

surgery blues

2005-07-26T18:38:00.000+08:00

I just got home from SGH. Still slightly groggy. I need to sleep but I need to eat too. Not that I am hungry (went without food since 10 last night - 18 hours of no food) but i need to eat in order to take the pain killers. Am waiting for food now.

I am going to have 2 scars. Sigh...don't like scars.

The lady before me had complications and so I waited for so long to go in surgery. The wait helped me clear my nerves a bit. The staff all very nice and they made it all very comfortable. I was very nervous when it was my turn. Trembled slightly at the operation table. Could feel the injection in my hand. But the general anesthetic took care of everything else after that. Next thing I knew, I woke up facing a window. Feotal position and shaking badly. Very, very, very cold. They put some kind of hose that blew hot air into my blankets. Felt better after that. Pain is bearable.

When I took the taxi to SGH in the morning, the driver was very kind. He assured me that everything will be ok. His wife went through it and he understood. It was nice of him. He said that I will get moody after the operation. And yes, I did. But my parents started it. Never ask someone who is still slightly groggy from an operation a battery of questions. You are just going to get frustration and tears.

Anyway, 11 days of MC ... that's the upside. Still, I might not use it all. I only prepared enough until Friday. well, shall see how. I might pop down to school tmr and go Montfort for the match. It all depends on how I am feeling in the morning.

Think I can skip the food. I just want to sleep. Can't stay up anymore.

Uncovering reality

2005-07-26T14:51:00.000+08:00

Going for surgery in the morning.

Have you ever had an experience so unpleasant or shocking that you refuse to acknowledge it?This is the very situation. I know for a month now. I refused to even think about it. I won't let it all sink in and accept it. It does not help that school has kept me busy. Sec 4s, tournaments and all.

No time to deal with it. Don't think about it. It won't happen. Wishful thinking. Illogical.

Madam Sim asked why I did not tell her earlier. How could I, when I myself refuse to believe it.

Fear manifests itself in many forms. The most common form of disguise that fear takes is anger. Can't suppress fear. It wants to be heard and dissipate from the source, the person. Covered and hidden, it brews, it breeds, it feeds.

Morning arrives. Going under the knife.

homecoming elections

2005-07-12T19:26:00.000+08:00

Went to TKGS yesterday for match. It was nostalgic. Back to my old school. I can see my old classroom at the corner. They had additions to the school. Plenty of changes. Hard to believe it was 10 years since I graduated from TKGS. Moribus Modestus - Demure and Resolute. We were resolute but seriously never demure, until we graduate. All the fence climbing, yakking loudly etc... those were the days. I could practically see ghosts of my younger self and of my friends. It would probably be more nostalgic if I went to the old school building. All the naughty and mischievous things we did as students. I am much naughtier than most of my students. But, I am smart, never get caught. Oh, and our road crossing abilities developed during our TK years. :)

Oh and the TKGS spirit! Do I miss it. TKGS softball girls are aggressive and loud showing what true TKGians are made off. Long live the TK spirit! The cheers they did, very uplifting. We are very good at cheerleading. I so do want to do a cheer.

Anyway, today did a very important thing for the future of our nation. I went for elections training. Yupps, was selected for this upcoming elctions to be on duty. 4 hours training session. All teachers and of course teachers... we are such sociable creatures and so by the end of the session we are all friends. I just realise there are so many teachers living in Bedok Reservoir. So many of us. . Being teachers, we were so into the role play and all. Kind of fun la the hands on session. Too bad I wasn't able to play the role of a wheelchair bound voter.

what happened to the weekend?

2005-07-11T11:13:00.000+08:00

Sunday night. Tomorrow school. Sigh. I am tired. I so need to do my work now. Marking, lessons to plan. Can't do it. I really have no energy. Spent most of my weekend asleep. Supposed to do work and all, but there is no energy. My PC is always on as a reminder to do my work but I cannot bring myself to get started. Goodness, I think I am going to break.

This term is one very busy term. Plus with that thing happening in Week 5. Have been too busy to really think about it. Actually, I don't want to think about it, but I have to. Classic ostrich syndrome, as I called it. As long as I don't see/think about it, it is not a problem/it won't happen. Wake up! It is going to happen and you know it.

I am just so down. Emotional rollercoaster. Started with missing Nadz's solemnisation at ROMM. I would have given anything to be there. Of course, I have about 250 teenagers to mould and my conscience just wouldn't allow me. That weighs heavily on my shoulders. Plus, I have to miss a few lessons with my sec 4s in the next few weeks and that makes me feel more terrible. Of course, week 5... why am I not a total ditzy blonde?

I would like to take this opportunity to ask my students not to do things last minute. For example, the test is tomorrow, please try to ask me questions days before the test. Not the day before. I do not mind answering questions but seriously, what good does it do? Especially when the test is on a Monday morning and you are asking me on a Sunday night. It is a bit too late especially if you ask me questions that requires a long explanation. Please call, and don't sms. It is easier to explain long and difficult questions that way. Also do that if you have more than 1 question. Much as I would like to make myself available to my students at all times, I am not always free. I wish the best for all my students and I wish I could be there for all of you at all times but I am only human. Perhaps, this is a good time to give fair warning to my students that I am planning a trip to Chiangmai in September hols. I need a break. I hope it gets approved. I know, prelims is right after the hols, so I am giving you the heads up to ask me questions way before then.

Achin'

2005-07-05T22:20:00.000+08:00

Tired. muscles hurt. Still haven't finish doing ppt slides. Had been a looooooooooooooooong day. Stressed out. Tonnes to do. When will it end?

OIC Singapore was good though. Love the musical/dance extravaganza. Glad they got Jacintha to sing the national anthem. She did it beautifully. It was a sophisticated arts affair. Rahimah Rahim was great. Seriously, she has such grace and elegance. Super glad they decided to use veterans in this affair.

So tired, was glued to the tv while marking mind maps. Refused to move. Finally budged out of the sofa. Would have been a good day overall but I was served with a letter from IRAS. Must pay tax! Darn! Am super broke now.

Body achin', heart achin' and pocket achin'!

amazing things in a small world

2005-07-02T14:14:00.000+08:00

Didn't eat breakfast for 2 days in a row. Amazing. I seldome ever skipped breakfast, but for 2 days I did. That is saying something. i love breakfast. Always eat a huge one. Went for sports day on an empty stomach and I still had loads of energy. Today went and had tutorial with 4G while stomach growling. Had lunch at home. Quite a treat we had today. I ate yesterday's leftovers cos my mum was too sick to cook and then my father came home and he brought Indian Rojak! So had a huge lunch to make up for today.

I took taxi home from school today. A waste of money but no choice cos I was tired and loads of stuff to carry. What luck I flagged down my neighbour's taxi. At that time both of us didn't know we are neighbours. It was only after the driver asked which block I stayed then he said he lives in the same block. We talked some and he said something that made me so ashamed of myself. Told him I took taxi cos I have so many books to bring home and mark. And he said he understands cos he knows my father and my father is not an extravagant man. So he is sure that I am not extravagant as well. Boy, I was silent for a while. Not very nice to contradict him. I am not extravagant but the amount of taxis I take.... actually, I have a theory. My father never spend much money on us while we grow up. Always very basic and loads of hand me downs. No toys, no games, just that one Scrabble he bought for me when i was in Pri 5 because I reasoned that it is an educational game and that the whole family can play together. And that camera in Pri 3 because I made a deal with him that he will get me a camera if I get 1st place. We were very understanding, he is the eldest of 10 siblings, some of my uncles and auties were still schooling when I was very young. So he had to help his family. We made do without a lot of things. No complains, grew up fine after all. But, now that I have my own money, I want to buy things that had been denied from me. So, Aussino, branded T shirts etc...but then again, I wouldn't call it extravagant since I live within my means and I dont buy a whole lot of branded or expensive stuff. Still...think i should cut down on taxis. I spend quite a bit on taxis each month....

Extravagant is this certain someone I know who earns very little but she changed her hp every few months and she spend hundreds each time she changed it. Nvm...don't wish to talk about her. She is totally taking advantage of the situation.

Anyway, the taxi driver who happens to be my neighbour refuses to except payment from me. So I got a free ride. Yaay. What a nice day it had been.

Going to go out with sohabahs later. Can't wait.

on teachers

2005-07-01T21:50:00.000+08:00

Sports day. Won third place for EL dept in 4X100 relay race. Not too bad for someone who hasn't run since God knows when. There was a crazy teacher who was cheering away at the grandstand. The only teacher crazy enough to do that. Cheering away for Softball, of course. Crazy. No other teacher bothered to cheer for anybody. ;p

Lunch at BK. Talked about students, books, Tom Cruise and dirty stuff. (Ms Zarinah!!! dirty stufff????)

We also talked on the way to BK about the lack of awareness of students. ;)

Facts on teachers:
Teachers do not live in staff room. We have homes to go back to.
Teachers read other books too. We do not read only textbooks.
Teachers have dreams, ambitions and hobbies. We do not just teach.
Teachers were given birth to, nurtured, went to school and we were once your age (gasp!).
Teachers do not just materialise out of air, all grown up and ready to teach.
Teachers have feelings. (yes, we do. So watch it!)
Teachers who are not married are still entitled to 5 day work week - we have parents to spend our weekends with.
Teachers do not disappear on the days they don't teach you. So please hand in your homework.
Believe it or not, teachers do get tired, teachers do not like to scold, teachers do not know everything (if we are omniscient, we are demi-Gods), teachers watch movies, teachers are also capable to hold a conversation about movies, celebs and things other than school related matter. Teachers are human beings.

Wow! what a revalation about teachers. :)

Cats 'n' such

2005-07-01T21:23:00.000+08:00

Cat's sick. He's been home all day for the past few days. He is never home when well. Actually he is not our cat, he is just a cat that we feed and share our space with. He treats us like a restaurant, hotel and hospital roll into one. I swear that cat is much more intelligent than we give him credit for. I mean, what other cat actually devised a cat sharing sytem? Seriously, this cat put us in a cat sharing sytem and did not tell us. We thought we were the only ones who feed and pet him. Apparently he has been going to my neighbours too. And we only found out by accident. Plus, that cat knows Malay. He understands everything we say to him! But, in all fairness, he likes us the best. Why else would he treat us like a convenient convalescence resident or a resort?

7 cats since I was 7 and out of all these 7, only 2 was rescued by me to it from the life of a stray cat. All others were smart enough to appear at our doorstep begging for food. Then they keep coming everyday for food, and everyday they get bolder and then one day we would find that stray cat sleeping on the sofa. They have claimed us as their family. We are stuck with them. No arguments about it. Don't know why though, being my family's pet ain't an easy life. Sure we feed them but my mum and I are perfect Almiras from Animaniacs. We squeeze and cuddle and kiss our cats till they beg for mercy or scratch or bite, whichever is more convenient. Still they love us and these cats kept coming.

Too bad these cats are regular pariahs, would love a British long hair. And only 1 cat was female. All others male. Tom cats are terrible. They don't like cuddles and kisses. Tabies are much more loving. As I type this, that cat is sleeping on the bed, making a bloody mess on the sheets.